Saturday 29 October 2011
Tuesday 25 October 2011
Kieswetter, Craig
South African-born wicket-keeper who qualifies for England by virtue of a Scottish grandmother. You don't get more English for that.
The surname stems from the Afrikaans 'kie', which means iron-handed dolt, and 'swetten', which roughly translates as doesn't score runs quickly enough.
The surname stems from the Afrikaans 'kie', which means iron-handed dolt, and 'swetten', which roughly translates as doesn't score runs quickly enough.
Friday 14 October 2011
Letter of thanks to the BCCI
Dear Sir,
Re the first ODI between India and England.
I'm writing to express my gratitude to the BCCI for the broadcasting arrangements for the aforementioned match at Hyderabad. The sheer professionalism of the pictures blackout was astonishing. It's rare to see something so superbly managed and executed and the timing, oh the timing. Exquisite. Many organisations wouldn't wait until half an hour before the start until deciding using Hawkeye replays was absolutely beyond the pail, but your consistency on this matter is so much better than the flip-flopping seen by other boards.
Once granted the privilege of seeing what was happening, I was also extremely pleased that we had commentators which you, the BCCI, pay rather than anyone with a modicum of impartiality. Frankly, any broadcaster that's already arranged for their people to be there should have checked to see if you'd throw an enormous strop just before the first ball was bowled before they sent them there and any complaints will, I trust, be dismissed with the contempt they deserve.
In summary, I'll happily play the part of the good, quiet, grateful consumer and not write anything sarcastic or disrespectful online in regard to your absolutely fuckwitted and childish behaviour.
Yours in sport,
JD
Re the first ODI between India and England.
I'm writing to express my gratitude to the BCCI for the broadcasting arrangements for the aforementioned match at Hyderabad. The sheer professionalism of the pictures blackout was astonishing. It's rare to see something so superbly managed and executed and the timing, oh the timing. Exquisite. Many organisations wouldn't wait until half an hour before the start until deciding using Hawkeye replays was absolutely beyond the pail, but your consistency on this matter is so much better than the flip-flopping seen by other boards.
Once granted the privilege of seeing what was happening, I was also extremely pleased that we had commentators which you, the BCCI, pay rather than anyone with a modicum of impartiality. Frankly, any broadcaster that's already arranged for their people to be there should have checked to see if you'd throw an enormous strop just before the first ball was bowled before they sent them there and any complaints will, I trust, be dismissed with the contempt they deserve.
In summary, I'll happily play the part of the good, quiet, grateful consumer and not write anything sarcastic or disrespectful online in regard to your absolutely fuckwitted and childish behaviour.
Yours in sport,
JD
Friday 7 October 2011
Bowling to the pugnacious David Warner
"Right. Full, straight, middle stump".
Run in. Bowl.
THWACK!
Long on watches as it disappears over his head and into the stand.
"Bugger".
"OK. I'll bounce the little twat".
Run in. Bowl.
THWONK!
Switch-hit pull in front of square disappears over what was cover into the stand.
"Bugger".
"Right, you annoying turd. You'll not see this slower ball coming".
Run in. Bowl.
POWERSPLAT!
It sails over backward point and keeps going, into the second tier.
"Bugger".
"Alright, alright. Back of the hand, pitch on, straighten up, lbw. See how you like these apples".
Run in. Bowl.
KERBLAMMO!
Umpire takes evasive action as it goes flat and hard, straight into the sightscreen.
"Bugger".
"Split-fingered grip. He won't have seen too much of that".
Run in. Bowl.
BOOOOOOOM!
Local air traffic control report sighting of small white object affecting their equipment.
"Bugger".
"Do you know what? Fuck it. Round the wicket, pitch it up, cramp him for room".
Run in. Bowl.
SMASHEROO!
Full toss on his pads, deposited over the dancing girls and into a disbelieving row 23.
"Bugger".
Run in. Bowl.
THWACK!
Long on watches as it disappears over his head and into the stand.
"Bugger".
"OK. I'll bounce the little twat".
Run in. Bowl.
THWONK!
Switch-hit pull in front of square disappears over what was cover into the stand.
"Bugger".
"Right, you annoying turd. You'll not see this slower ball coming".
Run in. Bowl.
POWERSPLAT!
It sails over backward point and keeps going, into the second tier.
"Bugger".
"Alright, alright. Back of the hand, pitch on, straighten up, lbw. See how you like these apples".
Run in. Bowl.
KERBLAMMO!
Umpire takes evasive action as it goes flat and hard, straight into the sightscreen.
"Bugger".
"Split-fingered grip. He won't have seen too much of that".
Run in. Bowl.
BOOOOOOOM!
Local air traffic control report sighting of small white object affecting their equipment.
"Bugger".
"Do you know what? Fuck it. Round the wicket, pitch it up, cramp him for room".
Run in. Bowl.
SMASHEROO!
Full toss on his pads, deposited over the dancing girls and into a disbelieving row 23.
"Bugger".
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