Friday 30 November 2012
Tuesday 20 November 2012
Stuart Broad Indian diary - an apology
We apologise for the non-appearance of days three to five of our exclusive extracts from Stuart Broad's diary, but we were busy and it transpires anyway that, in light of his comments after the game, particularly those exchanged with Ian Botham, he is completely, totally and utterly unsatirisable.
Friday 16 November 2012
Stuart Broad's Indian diary - day two
Friday.
I have never been so insulted in my life. Yes, the pitch is a bit slow, but for Matt Prior to stand up to the stumps when I'm bowling? I can barely express my anger. I'm so full of rage, it's all I can do to type.
Needless to say, I was brilliant today. I softened the batsmen up with some short-pitch bowling so that Swanny and Pately could fill their boots. Of course, I should have had some wickets of my own, but my appeals to the umpires for ones going way over the top or a yard down leg fell on deaf ears. I'm not sure these blokes realise who I am. Cooky didn't fancy any reviews either - not sure what his problem with that is. And the shoddy fielding... This is not what I expect. I did everything I could to rally the guys like you expect from the vice-captain - hold out both arms like the Angel of the North, do the double teapot, lots of glaring at people who are simply making it look like my bowling was shit or something with their pisspoor efforts in the field. I fail to see what else I can do.
Unfortunately, I was still seething about Priory's insult when it came our turn to bat, so I didn't even bother to volunteer to open this time. Instead, I offered helpful tips to the procession of team-mates - Comptony, Andersony, Trotty - coming back into the pavilion about what they should have done instead. I tell you, I wouldn't have got out like that on this. There's bugger all in this pitch.
I'll get my own back on Priory though. I'll get one of my mates to set up a spoof twitter account. Everyone loves that, right?
I have never been so insulted in my life. Yes, the pitch is a bit slow, but for Matt Prior to stand up to the stumps when I'm bowling? I can barely express my anger. I'm so full of rage, it's all I can do to type.
Needless to say, I was brilliant today. I softened the batsmen up with some short-pitch bowling so that Swanny and Pately could fill their boots. Of course, I should have had some wickets of my own, but my appeals to the umpires for ones going way over the top or a yard down leg fell on deaf ears. I'm not sure these blokes realise who I am. Cooky didn't fancy any reviews either - not sure what his problem with that is. And the shoddy fielding... This is not what I expect. I did everything I could to rally the guys like you expect from the vice-captain - hold out both arms like the Angel of the North, do the double teapot, lots of glaring at people who are simply making it look like my bowling was shit or something with their pisspoor efforts in the field. I fail to see what else I can do.
Unfortunately, I was still seething about Priory's insult when it came our turn to bat, so I didn't even bother to volunteer to open this time. Instead, I offered helpful tips to the procession of team-mates - Comptony, Andersony, Trotty - coming back into the pavilion about what they should have done instead. I tell you, I wouldn't have got out like that on this. There's bugger all in this pitch.
I'll get my own back on Priory though. I'll get one of my mates to set up a spoof twitter account. Everyone loves that, right?
Y
Letter added to the end of an England player's surname to create a whole new and inventive nickname, e.g. Straussy, Cooky, Pately, Nawab of Pataudi-y
Thursday 15 November 2012
Stuart Broad's Indian diary - day one
We have arranged for exclusive extracts from Stuart Broad's diaries to be passed to us by a shadowy intermediary so we can share them here with you, dear reader. Here's the first missive.
Thursday.
Cooky came in and said he'd lost the toss and would bowl. I asked if he was sure he'd lost it and whether he'd considered reviewing it, but he seemed content enough.
So we bowled today. This was very exciting. You see, the regulations have changed to allow two shoulder-high balls per over. I piled loads of short balls down as fast as I could, but for some bizarre reason it didn't work. I mean, I tried everything: glaring at the umpire, glaring at Cooky, glaring at Michael Atherton, glaring at some guy in the crowd who called me 'benchod'.... nothing. Second spell was just as futile. Tried reviewing a couple of decisions when the batsman got the bat within an inch of the ball, but Cooky didn't seem to fancy it. I got to use the second new ball late on and got one to move away and brush the edge. Again, nothing. Glared at the ground staff, but that was the end of things for today. It was nice to see Yuvraj though. He said something about 'Durban' to me, but I just glared at him. That showed him. Bobbed out after dinner for a look round Ahmedabad. The tuk-tuk driver was really taking the piss with his fare. Tried reviewing it, but he told me to stop being such a massive pillock and pay up. Glared at him. I think I won that exchange.
So back out there tomorrow and we need early wickets. I'll have a quick net in the morning to sharpen up my short ball. It's a surefire means of success, you mark my words.
Thursday.
Cooky came in and said he'd lost the toss and would bowl. I asked if he was sure he'd lost it and whether he'd considered reviewing it, but he seemed content enough.
So we bowled today. This was very exciting. You see, the regulations have changed to allow two shoulder-high balls per over. I piled loads of short balls down as fast as I could, but for some bizarre reason it didn't work. I mean, I tried everything: glaring at the umpire, glaring at Cooky, glaring at Michael Atherton, glaring at some guy in the crowd who called me 'benchod'.... nothing. Second spell was just as futile. Tried reviewing a couple of decisions when the batsman got the bat within an inch of the ball, but Cooky didn't seem to fancy it. I got to use the second new ball late on and got one to move away and brush the edge. Again, nothing. Glared at the ground staff, but that was the end of things for today. It was nice to see Yuvraj though. He said something about 'Durban' to me, but I just glared at him. That showed him. Bobbed out after dinner for a look round Ahmedabad. The tuk-tuk driver was really taking the piss with his fare. Tried reviewing it, but he told me to stop being such a massive pillock and pay up. Glared at him. I think I won that exchange.
So back out there tomorrow and we need early wickets. I'll have a quick net in the morning to sharpen up my short ball. It's a surefire means of success, you mark my words.
Thursday 27 September 2012
A name for Yorkshire
Some years ago, the marketing gurus at the ECB decided that calling counties after the counties from which they come simply wasn't enough. A contrived nickname must be added, they said, and so it came to pass.
This isn't anything really new, but the way it's been applied to cricket hasn't really worked, as evidenced by the number of clubs that have changed that nickname, some more than once. There's no heritage or history behind these names and, as such, they're failing to stick.
Rugby league went through this process some years ago, and that's largely worked. In Australia, old clubs were already known by the names now associated with them; Eastern Suburbs were always the Roosters, Souths the Rabbitohs and so on. Newer clubs began with a nickname which have been stuck with and have become commonly used in association with those clubs. Some of Britain's RL clubs had less successful experiments. Halifax dropped the unloved and unlovely 'Blue Sox' moniker to revert to 'Halifax' while St Helens, rightly, didn't feel the need to add the word 'Saints' to the end of the club's name. Others have become second nature - even Warrington's 'Wolves' which makes those, like this writer, who still call them 'the Wire' seem like the dinosaurs they probably are. But even ones that haven't really caught on - Wigan will never really be the Warriors - have been stuck to.
Yorkshire are about to try and find a fourth such nickname and have opened it up to the fanbase. Initially 'Phoenix', which wouldn't have been too bad were it not for the garish orange outfits, they were subsequently 'Tykes' and latterly 'Carnegie', a product of a tie-up with Leeds Met university, an agreement which has come to an end.
The example of Halifax RLFC is a good one here. They ended up with 'Blue Sox' as an unhappy compromise after the fans were consulted and came up with 'Bombers' which was deemed insensitive and inappropriate. Nobody wanted Blue Sox, but nobody was vehemently against it and it was ushered in with derision and a footnote in history that placed it alongside Swiss football club Neuchatel Xamax as the only two professional sports sides with two Xs in their name. Neither name now exist.
Yorkshire are actively seeking suggestions. Given that three previous artificial addenda have failed to grip the imagination of the Yorkshire public and they want something that fans will be happy to shout from the terraces, there is only one option. Anyone who has been to a Yorkshire game will know that there's only one thing that is ever shouted and, fortunately, that also ties in to the one name that will please everybody. Moreover, it's an opportunity to show that cricket doesn't need these constructs and that clubs are perfectly able to market themselves without having such a contrivance imposed on them.
Yorkshire's new name must be 'Yorkshire'.
This isn't anything really new, but the way it's been applied to cricket hasn't really worked, as evidenced by the number of clubs that have changed that nickname, some more than once. There's no heritage or history behind these names and, as such, they're failing to stick.
Rugby league went through this process some years ago, and that's largely worked. In Australia, old clubs were already known by the names now associated with them; Eastern Suburbs were always the Roosters, Souths the Rabbitohs and so on. Newer clubs began with a nickname which have been stuck with and have become commonly used in association with those clubs. Some of Britain's RL clubs had less successful experiments. Halifax dropped the unloved and unlovely 'Blue Sox' moniker to revert to 'Halifax' while St Helens, rightly, didn't feel the need to add the word 'Saints' to the end of the club's name. Others have become second nature - even Warrington's 'Wolves' which makes those, like this writer, who still call them 'the Wire' seem like the dinosaurs they probably are. But even ones that haven't really caught on - Wigan will never really be the Warriors - have been stuck to.
Yorkshire are about to try and find a fourth such nickname and have opened it up to the fanbase. Initially 'Phoenix', which wouldn't have been too bad were it not for the garish orange outfits, they were subsequently 'Tykes' and latterly 'Carnegie', a product of a tie-up with Leeds Met university, an agreement which has come to an end.
The example of Halifax RLFC is a good one here. They ended up with 'Blue Sox' as an unhappy compromise after the fans were consulted and came up with 'Bombers' which was deemed insensitive and inappropriate. Nobody wanted Blue Sox, but nobody was vehemently against it and it was ushered in with derision and a footnote in history that placed it alongside Swiss football club Neuchatel Xamax as the only two professional sports sides with two Xs in their name. Neither name now exist.
Yorkshire are actively seeking suggestions. Given that three previous artificial addenda have failed to grip the imagination of the Yorkshire public and they want something that fans will be happy to shout from the terraces, there is only one option. Anyone who has been to a Yorkshire game will know that there's only one thing that is ever shouted and, fortunately, that also ties in to the one name that will please everybody. Moreover, it's an opportunity to show that cricket doesn't need these constructs and that clubs are perfectly able to market themselves without having such a contrivance imposed on them.
Yorkshire's new name must be 'Yorkshire'.
Wednesday 12 September 2012
Dancing, Strictly Come
Inexplicably popular TV talent show where old cricketers go once they've lost any relevance to the modern world. See also Vaughan, Michael; Tufnell, Phil; Ramprakash, Mark; Gough, Darren
Friday 10 August 2012
The Pietersen principle
Let us begin this with an apology. Below are a number of words about Kevin Pietersen. Sorry.
If you've ever been systematically undermined in your job, you'll know the plan of attack. It's back to your desk, update the CV and get out of there as soon as. That's a little tricky in international cricket. You can't just swan off and go play for someone else (insert your own joke here about international eligibility rules). You're pretty much stuck. If Kevin Pietersen genuinely feels that he's unwelcome in the England environment, he has little option but to reject the Test contract that will be offered to him shortly and become the new Chris Gayle, the pre-reconciled Gayle, a bat for hire in the various t20 leagues around the world.
The question that arises, of course, is whether Pietersen has been systematically undermined or if he's now challenging David Icke as one of the great conspiracy theorists of the age. If Pietersen is really willing to end his England career over a spoof Twitter account, then he really needs to have a look back over his own public pronouncements and develop a bit of self-awareness. We'll stop short of asking for humility as that isn't a quality high on his list of traits and it's absence, in part, makes him the batsman he is, the swaggering, domineering beast who will dictate terms. If this is the end, then we have to hope there's something else at play rather than just the suggestion - strenuously denied - that one of his team-mates is behind the spoof.
If it's glory and adulation Pietersen desires - and he strikes us a man who likes to be told on a regular basis that he's great and how we can't possibly cope without him - then he'll find that without international cricket and the recognition that goes with it, he will struggle to find it playing in the Indian/Bangladesh/Sri Lankan/Zimbabwe Premier League.
If this is the end, England lose their most infuriating and brilliant batsman of this and (m)any other era. His 158 at The Oval in the Ashes of 2005 was as brutal as it comes. By contrast, his dismissal at Cardiff four years later, when he swept a non-spinning Nathan Hauritz off-break from a good two feet outside off to loop a catch up to short leg, was horrible. "That's the way I play", he implored afterwards. Well maybe it bloody well shouldn't be, playing such a low, low percentage shot when well set. Time and again, we'd hear the "That's the way I play" excuse, normally after holing out at long-on when trying to go from 95 to 100 in one shot. And yet that's also why he's endurably watchable, the pyrotechnics and ugly dismissals both making for great television. Without him, England become weaker - that's undeniable. But cricket's unique dichotomy between the team ethic and the individual nature of batsmanship has never been more starkly demonstrated by one person.
But it's worth remembering that the last time Pietersen threw a massive, flouncy strop led to his removal as captain, Peter Moores' dismissal as coach and the arrival of the Strauss/Flower dream team, successive Ashes series wins and the number one ranking. So it's not necessarily a bad thing.
If you've ever been systematically undermined in your job, you'll know the plan of attack. It's back to your desk, update the CV and get out of there as soon as. That's a little tricky in international cricket. You can't just swan off and go play for someone else (insert your own joke here about international eligibility rules). You're pretty much stuck. If Kevin Pietersen genuinely feels that he's unwelcome in the England environment, he has little option but to reject the Test contract that will be offered to him shortly and become the new Chris Gayle, the pre-reconciled Gayle, a bat for hire in the various t20 leagues around the world.
The question that arises, of course, is whether Pietersen has been systematically undermined or if he's now challenging David Icke as one of the great conspiracy theorists of the age. If Pietersen is really willing to end his England career over a spoof Twitter account, then he really needs to have a look back over his own public pronouncements and develop a bit of self-awareness. We'll stop short of asking for humility as that isn't a quality high on his list of traits and it's absence, in part, makes him the batsman he is, the swaggering, domineering beast who will dictate terms. If this is the end, then we have to hope there's something else at play rather than just the suggestion - strenuously denied - that one of his team-mates is behind the spoof.
If it's glory and adulation Pietersen desires - and he strikes us a man who likes to be told on a regular basis that he's great and how we can't possibly cope without him - then he'll find that without international cricket and the recognition that goes with it, he will struggle to find it playing in the Indian/Bangladesh/Sri Lankan/Zimbabwe Premier League.
If this is the end, England lose their most infuriating and brilliant batsman of this and (m)any other era. His 158 at The Oval in the Ashes of 2005 was as brutal as it comes. By contrast, his dismissal at Cardiff four years later, when he swept a non-spinning Nathan Hauritz off-break from a good two feet outside off to loop a catch up to short leg, was horrible. "That's the way I play", he implored afterwards. Well maybe it bloody well shouldn't be, playing such a low, low percentage shot when well set. Time and again, we'd hear the "That's the way I play" excuse, normally after holing out at long-on when trying to go from 95 to 100 in one shot. And yet that's also why he's endurably watchable, the pyrotechnics and ugly dismissals both making for great television. Without him, England become weaker - that's undeniable. But cricket's unique dichotomy between the team ethic and the individual nature of batsmanship has never been more starkly demonstrated by one person.
But it's worth remembering that the last time Pietersen threw a massive, flouncy strop led to his removal as captain, Peter Moores' dismissal as coach and the arrival of the Strauss/Flower dream team, successive Ashes series wins and the number one ranking. So it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Thursday 24 May 2012
Calling out Nick Knight
Kevin Pietersen was fined for saying the following on Twitter: "Can somebody PLEASE tell me how Nick Knight has worked his way into the commentary box for home Tests?? RIDICULOUS!!". This is, apparently, prejudicial to the interests of the ECB.
Yeah, whatever, but nobody can deny that Pietersen has a point. Knight has never expressed an actual opinion since his broadcast career began. He does a funny thing with his top lip before espousing his latest nugget of vapid, cliched nonsense which, once you've noticed it, is really annoying and impossible to avoid. So far, so bad, but the bigger problem lies beneath.
Sky's commentary team is a cosy coterie of former England captains, coaches and Nick Knight. Professional broadcasters are conspicuous by their absence. The same is true of Test Match Special where Henry Blofeld is the last of the classically-trained journalists to appear regularly. The same is true around the world where Tony Cozier and Harsha Bhogle are about the only professionals in a world where Laxman Sivaramakrishnan can find work in commentary. There's a fetishisation among broadcasters to go for the ex-pro regardless of any other concerns. This is almost unique in cricket, unlike other sports where a professional commentator will describe while an ex-pro adds colour and tactical insight. With the box full of ex-pros, you end up with neither.
The other element is something the ECB response to Pietersen's outburst hints at: the commercial concerns of the broadcaster. Heaven forbid someone with strident opinions be allowed to spout forth. There's a reason that it was only Michael Holding's entertaining rant directed at the WICB was the only real area of dissent on Sky's coverage allowed. The sponsors must be appeased. The same is true on the BBC; despite their lack of sponsors themselves, the ECB's must not be upset or in any way associated with negative coverage. Each of these two areas leads to anodyne, boring coverage, but the two together leads to anodyne, boring coverage brought to you by an anodyne, boring old boys club.
Knight is rubbish, but the bigger issues lie in the policy of recruitment and the lack of risk-taking engendered throughout the game. Pietersen will not be allowed near a commentary box until he has that element of outspokeness surgically removed.
And if any players want to sound off about commentators under the cloak of anonymity, do drop me a line on twitter
Yeah, whatever, but nobody can deny that Pietersen has a point. Knight has never expressed an actual opinion since his broadcast career began. He does a funny thing with his top lip before espousing his latest nugget of vapid, cliched nonsense which, once you've noticed it, is really annoying and impossible to avoid. So far, so bad, but the bigger problem lies beneath.
Sky's commentary team is a cosy coterie of former England captains, coaches and Nick Knight. Professional broadcasters are conspicuous by their absence. The same is true of Test Match Special where Henry Blofeld is the last of the classically-trained journalists to appear regularly. The same is true around the world where Tony Cozier and Harsha Bhogle are about the only professionals in a world where Laxman Sivaramakrishnan can find work in commentary. There's a fetishisation among broadcasters to go for the ex-pro regardless of any other concerns. This is almost unique in cricket, unlike other sports where a professional commentator will describe while an ex-pro adds colour and tactical insight. With the box full of ex-pros, you end up with neither.
The other element is something the ECB response to Pietersen's outburst hints at: the commercial concerns of the broadcaster. Heaven forbid someone with strident opinions be allowed to spout forth. There's a reason that it was only Michael Holding's entertaining rant directed at the WICB was the only real area of dissent on Sky's coverage allowed. The sponsors must be appeased. The same is true on the BBC; despite their lack of sponsors themselves, the ECB's must not be upset or in any way associated with negative coverage. Each of these two areas leads to anodyne, boring coverage, but the two together leads to anodyne, boring coverage brought to you by an anodyne, boring old boys club.
Knight is rubbish, but the bigger issues lie in the policy of recruitment and the lack of risk-taking engendered throughout the game. Pietersen will not be allowed near a commentary box until he has that element of outspokeness surgically removed.
And if any players want to sound off about commentators under the cloak of anonymity, do drop me a line on twitter
Thursday 17 May 2012
A debate where debate is not needed
Happy new Test series!
Yes, the cold, grey skies - well, over Leeds they are; seems it's better in London - herald the onset of the English Test summer. The West Indies are the opponents for the first part of the summer and not expected to provide a huge amount of resistance. They arrive depleted for a number of reasons - politics, IPL, intransigence, disinterest - and as has become the norm when they arrive for Test matches in this country, the weather flatly refuses to be anything other than wintry. At least they don't have to go up to Durham this time, where the sight of a shivering Shiv Chanderpaul fielding at slip wearing every jumper he's ever owned is a pitiable one.
On the flip side, England are a happy and settled bunch after ending a pretty torrid winter with a much-needed and morale-boosting win. They've added Jonny Bairstow to the squad and he's expected to play, batting at six. The Todd Flanders look-alike is in fine form and has shown in county and international one-day cricket that he fears nothing. He'll come in for Samit Patel from the last time England played a Test with Matt Prior dropping down a spot as England revert to the four-man attack that's served them so well in every place other than south Asia.
Of that four man attack, Graeme Swann, Jimmy Anderson and Stuart Broad are givens. There should be no debate about the fourth either, and yet it seems a bone of contention. Yes, England are blessed with a number of different options, but one of those stands out so far above the others that it shouldn't be an issue. Steven Finn, Chris Tremlett and Graham Onions are all fine bowlers, of course, but how Tim Bresnan has become anything other than a first pick borders on the scandalous.
After 11 Tests - in all of which he has been on the winning side, lest we forget - Bresnan bats at over 40 and bowls at under 25. As a lower middle-order batsman alone, his figures would warrant discussion. As a bowler alone, he ought to be ahead of the others. As a package, he should be undroppable. As genuine all-rounders go, there's onlyAnthony McGrath Jacques Kallis that surpasses his figures. He offers so much more than stats though. His stereotypical willingness to keep running in is reminiscent of his fellow Yorkshireman Matthew Hoggard and that effort gets rewards. And yet the debate goes along the lines of 'and if there's an injury to one of your first three seamers, there's always Bresnan to come in'.
He's done the hard miles for England, ploughing up and down motorways after being overlooked in favour of someone that the Prozone devotees determines is better horse for a particular course, missing chunks of county games as a result, but he still takes it on the chin and grinds through the overs for Yorkshire. The time has come, however, for him to be a mainstay of this England attack. He's proved himself. No longer should it be a case of 'if there's an injury, there's Bresnan to come in'. It should be 'who have we got if Bresnan is injured?'. The fact there's even a discussion over his inclusion is a debate that we need not have.
Yes, the cold, grey skies - well, over Leeds they are; seems it's better in London - herald the onset of the English Test summer. The West Indies are the opponents for the first part of the summer and not expected to provide a huge amount of resistance. They arrive depleted for a number of reasons - politics, IPL, intransigence, disinterest - and as has become the norm when they arrive for Test matches in this country, the weather flatly refuses to be anything other than wintry. At least they don't have to go up to Durham this time, where the sight of a shivering Shiv Chanderpaul fielding at slip wearing every jumper he's ever owned is a pitiable one.
On the flip side, England are a happy and settled bunch after ending a pretty torrid winter with a much-needed and morale-boosting win. They've added Jonny Bairstow to the squad and he's expected to play, batting at six. The Todd Flanders look-alike is in fine form and has shown in county and international one-day cricket that he fears nothing. He'll come in for Samit Patel from the last time England played a Test with Matt Prior dropping down a spot as England revert to the four-man attack that's served them so well in every place other than south Asia.
Of that four man attack, Graeme Swann, Jimmy Anderson and Stuart Broad are givens. There should be no debate about the fourth either, and yet it seems a bone of contention. Yes, England are blessed with a number of different options, but one of those stands out so far above the others that it shouldn't be an issue. Steven Finn, Chris Tremlett and Graham Onions are all fine bowlers, of course, but how Tim Bresnan has become anything other than a first pick borders on the scandalous.
After 11 Tests - in all of which he has been on the winning side, lest we forget - Bresnan bats at over 40 and bowls at under 25. As a lower middle-order batsman alone, his figures would warrant discussion. As a bowler alone, he ought to be ahead of the others. As a package, he should be undroppable. As genuine all-rounders go, there's only
He's done the hard miles for England, ploughing up and down motorways after being overlooked in favour of someone that the Prozone devotees determines is better horse for a particular course, missing chunks of county games as a result, but he still takes it on the chin and grinds through the overs for Yorkshire. The time has come, however, for him to be a mainstay of this England attack. He's proved himself. No longer should it be a case of 'if there's an injury, there's Bresnan to come in'. It should be 'who have we got if Bresnan is injured?'. The fact there's even a discussion over his inclusion is a debate that we need not have.
Thursday 3 May 2012
Shivnarine Chanderpaul, a tribute
In the final Test between the West Indies and Australia, Shiv Chanderpaul became the tenth player to pass 10,000 Test match runs. At the same time, he lifted his career average back over 50 and went back to the top of the Test batting rankings.
Never the easiest on the eye, Chanderpaul remains a favourite here at Tasty Morkels. Gritty and grafting rather than flamboyantly calypso, he is still capable of explosive innings. An ODI 150 in India stands out in the mind's eye, for instance. He's just an all-round great who can conjure up stats like his average knock against Australia lasting over four hours and the fact that he is the player that has been on the losing sides in Tests most often. That's a harsh legacy for one so capable and one who prizes his wicket above pretty much anything else.
But how to honour him on his achievement of making it to 10,000? We got the Subbuteo Cricket down from the attic and created a special Shiv guard of honour, with the majority lining up in good order and one down the end stood outrageously towards leg:
Well done Shiv. Don't ever change.
Never the easiest on the eye, Chanderpaul remains a favourite here at Tasty Morkels. Gritty and grafting rather than flamboyantly calypso, he is still capable of explosive innings. An ODI 150 in India stands out in the mind's eye, for instance. He's just an all-round great who can conjure up stats like his average knock against Australia lasting over four hours and the fact that he is the player that has been on the losing sides in Tests most often. That's a harsh legacy for one so capable and one who prizes his wicket above pretty much anything else.
But how to honour him on his achievement of making it to 10,000? We got the Subbuteo Cricket down from the attic and created a special Shiv guard of honour, with the majority lining up in good order and one down the end stood outrageously towards leg:
Well done Shiv. Don't ever change.
Yorkshire part 2 - An apology
A few days ago, we suggested that Yorkshire had hit rock bottom and were about to turn things around 180 degrees and ride the surge to division 2 glory and onwards to next season's county championship title.
In light of an archetypically Yorkshire implosion, the club have seen fit to let one of the finest bowlers on the staff leave the club. Ajmal Shahzad had a troubled 2011, but started this season with a bang, right up there with his pace and making the ball talk which earned high praise from the coaching staff. He was praised in particular for his work ethic in getting back to something like the form that earned him one Test cap and a number of appearances for England in the shorter forms, including the last World Cup. There's a suggestion that Tim Bresnan's availability and the decision to give him the new ball over Shahzad has led to a deterioration in his attitude, something that the impending arrival of Mitchell Starc - surely a new-ball bowler if ever there was one - wasn't going to ease.
The reasons will, apparently, be made clear of the coming hours, days and weeks, but from this vantage point it looks like a sorry shambles, the like of which Yorkshire are alone in engineering. Twas ever thus, from alienating the likes of Ray Illingworth and Brian Close to the more recent episode with Matthew Hoggard. Shahzad's explosive pace is something that the side need in order to wake them from their slumbers. Uniquely, Yorkshire find a way to make that impossible.
Whatever has gone on, we feel we owe our readership an apology. It's never been plain sailing at Headingley and this season is no different. To have given you the impression that things were somehow different this time was irresponsible and we apologise for having caused any confusion and/or distress.
FURTHER READING: David Hopps, as ever, is pretty much bang on the banana over at Cricinfo.
In light of an archetypically Yorkshire implosion, the club have seen fit to let one of the finest bowlers on the staff leave the club. Ajmal Shahzad had a troubled 2011, but started this season with a bang, right up there with his pace and making the ball talk which earned high praise from the coaching staff. He was praised in particular for his work ethic in getting back to something like the form that earned him one Test cap and a number of appearances for England in the shorter forms, including the last World Cup. There's a suggestion that Tim Bresnan's availability and the decision to give him the new ball over Shahzad has led to a deterioration in his attitude, something that the impending arrival of Mitchell Starc - surely a new-ball bowler if ever there was one - wasn't going to ease.
The reasons will, apparently, be made clear of the coming hours, days and weeks, but from this vantage point it looks like a sorry shambles, the like of which Yorkshire are alone in engineering. Twas ever thus, from alienating the likes of Ray Illingworth and Brian Close to the more recent episode with Matthew Hoggard. Shahzad's explosive pace is something that the side need in order to wake them from their slumbers. Uniquely, Yorkshire find a way to make that impossible.
Whatever has gone on, we feel we owe our readership an apology. It's never been plain sailing at Headingley and this season is no different. To have given you the impression that things were somehow different this time was irresponsible and we apologise for having caused any confusion and/or distress.
FURTHER READING: David Hopps, as ever, is pretty much bang on the banana over at Cricinfo.
Wednesday 25 April 2012
The 19th over
For it to happen once can be written off as statistically insignificant, but when the same thing happens a short time afterwards, we start to take notice and perhaps identify the birth of a trend. And we think we've seen one, namely this: The penultimate over of a t20 match is the key one.
Obviously, we'll be doing an in-depth statistical analysis of all t20 cricket at some point in the future (cough), but for now simply pointing it will do. It started with Albie Morkel's astonishing assault on the awkward bowling of Virat Kohli in game 13, taking him for 28 runs with Bangalore needing 43 off the last two overs. Though still with work to do in the last over, those six balls broke the back of the challenge allowing Dwayne Bravo and Ravi Jadeja to guide Chennai home.
The same thing happened today in game 33. With Mumbai needing 32 from two overs, Robin Peterson and Ambati Rayudu combined to take Piyush Chawla's figures from three overs for 19 runs to four overs for 46. Even as wily a bowler as Azhar Mahmood wasn't going to defend five from the final over and Mumbai grabbed a win from nowhere.
So what's the lesson here? Bangalore's mistake was allowing an agricultural slogger to tee off against the long-hops and full tosses of a part-time bowler with an action that could curdle milk. Peterson and Rayudu were facing a proper leggy, albeit one that has proved hittable in the past. Both episodes were very much a case of shit or bust for the batting side - they had to go for it and couldn't leave it any later. They swung, they won.
Time was that six runs off an over seemed a mountain of Himalayan proportions. The rapid expansion of the one-day game quickly meant that became the nonsense that we recognise today, but where scores in excess of 40 off two overs are becoming normal, that's a whole new ball game. We'll need to see such 19th-over pyrotechnics more often if we're going to form this into a new trend or even a tactic, but if any t20 captains out there want our advice it's this: Work on your death bowling options.
Obviously, we'll be doing an in-depth statistical analysis of all t20 cricket at some point in the future (cough), but for now simply pointing it will do. It started with Albie Morkel's astonishing assault on the awkward bowling of Virat Kohli in game 13, taking him for 28 runs with Bangalore needing 43 off the last two overs. Though still with work to do in the last over, those six balls broke the back of the challenge allowing Dwayne Bravo and Ravi Jadeja to guide Chennai home.
The same thing happened today in game 33. With Mumbai needing 32 from two overs, Robin Peterson and Ambati Rayudu combined to take Piyush Chawla's figures from three overs for 19 runs to four overs for 46. Even as wily a bowler as Azhar Mahmood wasn't going to defend five from the final over and Mumbai grabbed a win from nowhere.
So what's the lesson here? Bangalore's mistake was allowing an agricultural slogger to tee off against the long-hops and full tosses of a part-time bowler with an action that could curdle milk. Peterson and Rayudu were facing a proper leggy, albeit one that has proved hittable in the past. Both episodes were very much a case of shit or bust for the batting side - they had to go for it and couldn't leave it any later. They swung, they won.
Time was that six runs off an over seemed a mountain of Himalayan proportions. The rapid expansion of the one-day game quickly meant that became the nonsense that we recognise today, but where scores in excess of 40 off two overs are becoming normal, that's a whole new ball game. We'll need to see such 19th-over pyrotechnics more often if we're going to form this into a new trend or even a tactic, but if any t20 captains out there want our advice it's this: Work on your death bowling options.
Monday 23 April 2012
Yorkshire - Always darkest before the dawn
Twelve months ago, Yorkshire were being tipped by many to if not win the County Championship, then certainly to go close. It didn't quite work out like that.
With a side light on experience, games were lost from seemingly impregnable positions. The home game against Nottinghamshire early in the season saw them go into day four looking to wrap up an innings victory. Six hours, a battling knock from Chris Read and a collapse of epic proportions later, they'd lost. It wasn't the first time that would happen either. Tim Bresnan spent more time on motorways after being surplus to requirements for England's Test summer and Jacques Rudolph's return to the side came too late to affect anything.
While results were poor, performances occasionally hinted at brighter things to come. A lot of the side were relatively young and showed plenty of promise, Joe Root and Jonathan Bairstow in particular. Other, more established players simply fell below their career standards, but had built up enough credit over the years to be given the benefit of large amounts of doubt. The feeling was that they'd bounce straight back and with some comfort.
The opening game of the county season saw Kent go to Headingley and thanks to a century stand for the last wicket, forced Yorkshire into following on before a battling second innings guided the Tykes to a draw. This was followed by a university game against the combined colleges of the Leeds and Bradford area where the students skittled the professionals for 135, a deficit of 76 on first innings. Oh dear.
This felt something like karma. There was an awful lot of bollocks spoken in regard to the relegation season. The supposed youth of the side, the invocation of bad luck and the presumption that they'd bounce back at the first attempt were all seen across the media and social networks. The side wasn't that young and it's not bad luck when the same things keep happening over and over again. Those first two games showed that bouncing back was not the foregone conclusion many seemed to think it would be.
And so to the game last week against Essex. With new signing Phil Jaques carrying the batting with 126 out of 246 first innings runs, the bowlers joined the party with Ryan Sidebottom - 5-30 in 24 overs - and Steve Patterson - three wickets in one over at one stage - impressing. The second innings saw runs from Root, Joe Sayers and the captain Andrew Gale who tried to set something up with a challenging declaration. Unfortunately, with day one a total washout and more rain on day four, there wasn't time to finish the job.
It's often said that you have to hit the bottom before you can start moving in the right direction - just see the national team for an example - and the games against Kent and Leeds/Bradford MCCU were if not the very bottom, certainly a wake-up call. With Jaques on board, the batting looks a lot better. A previously pop-gun attack stood up against Essex and the impending arrival of Mitchell Starc will do much to improve the bowling as a unit. There's now a real feeling that a corner has been turned. Positivity - never an attribute too closely associated with the average Yorkshireman - is suddenly an abundant commodity. The darkness of relegation was made worse by 'them from over the hills' becoming county champions, but now there's a real sense that dawn is breaking.
With a side light on experience, games were lost from seemingly impregnable positions. The home game against Nottinghamshire early in the season saw them go into day four looking to wrap up an innings victory. Six hours, a battling knock from Chris Read and a collapse of epic proportions later, they'd lost. It wasn't the first time that would happen either. Tim Bresnan spent more time on motorways after being surplus to requirements for England's Test summer and Jacques Rudolph's return to the side came too late to affect anything.
While results were poor, performances occasionally hinted at brighter things to come. A lot of the side were relatively young and showed plenty of promise, Joe Root and Jonathan Bairstow in particular. Other, more established players simply fell below their career standards, but had built up enough credit over the years to be given the benefit of large amounts of doubt. The feeling was that they'd bounce straight back and with some comfort.
The opening game of the county season saw Kent go to Headingley and thanks to a century stand for the last wicket, forced Yorkshire into following on before a battling second innings guided the Tykes to a draw. This was followed by a university game against the combined colleges of the Leeds and Bradford area where the students skittled the professionals for 135, a deficit of 76 on first innings. Oh dear.
This felt something like karma. There was an awful lot of bollocks spoken in regard to the relegation season. The supposed youth of the side, the invocation of bad luck and the presumption that they'd bounce back at the first attempt were all seen across the media and social networks. The side wasn't that young and it's not bad luck when the same things keep happening over and over again. Those first two games showed that bouncing back was not the foregone conclusion many seemed to think it would be.
And so to the game last week against Essex. With new signing Phil Jaques carrying the batting with 126 out of 246 first innings runs, the bowlers joined the party with Ryan Sidebottom - 5-30 in 24 overs - and Steve Patterson - three wickets in one over at one stage - impressing. The second innings saw runs from Root, Joe Sayers and the captain Andrew Gale who tried to set something up with a challenging declaration. Unfortunately, with day one a total washout and more rain on day four, there wasn't time to finish the job.
It's often said that you have to hit the bottom before you can start moving in the right direction - just see the national team for an example - and the games against Kent and Leeds/Bradford MCCU were if not the very bottom, certainly a wake-up call. With Jaques on board, the batting looks a lot better. A previously pop-gun attack stood up against Essex and the impending arrival of Mitchell Starc will do much to improve the bowling as a unit. There's now a real feeling that a corner has been turned. Positivity - never an attribute too closely associated with the average Yorkshireman - is suddenly an abundant commodity. The darkness of relegation was made worse by 'them from over the hills' becoming county champions, but now there's a real sense that dawn is breaking.
Thursday 19 April 2012
Tough love
It's not been a bad IPL so far. There have been some outstanding individual and collective performances, but this year's edition requires patience and optimism to keep punters interested.
Let's get one thing straight - we like t20. We accept it for what it is and embrace that. Indeed, it's the way some of us got into playing cricket in the evening village leagues around and about, getting our little off-breaks heaved into the field next door by a burly farmer with a deep-seated hatred of young lads who thought they could bowl a bit. But despite that, we still have a fondness for the shortest form of the game here a Morkels Acres. What we most certainly are not is jealous and neither is what follows (whatever thay may be - it's not been written yet) is not written with green eyes.
There have been some really quite spectacular games in this IPL already. Bangalore needing 21 off the last over against Pune and not just getting there, but doing it with some comfort was one, Chennai's Albie Morkel-inspired chase of 206 against Bangalore was another. Both were outstanding games of t20 cricket, epitomising everything that this format should be about. Rajasthan got home against Deccan despite needing 55 runs from the last four overs in another excellent game, but these three matches - of 22 completed at time of writing - stand out for their rarity value.
For every one game where 190-odd plays 200, there have been six near-walkovers. Indeed, the Chennai v Bangalore game referred to earlier was followed immediately by Pune getting bundled out for 115 by Kings XI who then knocked off the required runs at a canter, eventually staggering over the line in the 18th over. Even without the pyrotechnics of the game that immediately preceded it, this was an absolute turd of a match. Kolkata have beaten Kings XI with almost a quarter of their overs not required, Delhi have skittled Mumbai and knocked off the requirement with even more balls than that remaining. What particularly frustrates with these games is the always-irritating strategic time-out. Yes we know they're extended ad breaks, but what strategy do you discuss when you need eight runs to win, have four overs to get them in and have seven wickets in hand? "What do you reckon Jacques?". "I reckon I'm going to clobber the next two balls to the fence Gautam". "Good plan big feller".
There have been some pitiful chases as well such as Rajasthan coming up short by 59 runs against Bangalore and Deccan failing by just the 74 against Chennai. Another nadir was Kolkata failing to beat Kings XI in their first meeting despite chasing a derisory 135 and being 73/2 at one stage. Not one facet of that game was anything like top class.
Rubbish captaincy, bizarre bowling changes and truly horrible batting has blighted the tournament this year so far, but we keep watching, hoping the next 200+ chase is just around the corner. AB de Villiers's improvisation, the sheer power of Chris Gayle and all the snarling aggression of Dale Steyn keep us interested and good job that they do, because sometimes the IPL makes itself very hard to love.
Let's get one thing straight - we like t20. We accept it for what it is and embrace that. Indeed, it's the way some of us got into playing cricket in the evening village leagues around and about, getting our little off-breaks heaved into the field next door by a burly farmer with a deep-seated hatred of young lads who thought they could bowl a bit. But despite that, we still have a fondness for the shortest form of the game here a Morkels Acres. What we most certainly are not is jealous and neither is what follows (whatever thay may be - it's not been written yet) is not written with green eyes.
There have been some really quite spectacular games in this IPL already. Bangalore needing 21 off the last over against Pune and not just getting there, but doing it with some comfort was one, Chennai's Albie Morkel-inspired chase of 206 against Bangalore was another. Both were outstanding games of t20 cricket, epitomising everything that this format should be about. Rajasthan got home against Deccan despite needing 55 runs from the last four overs in another excellent game, but these three matches - of 22 completed at time of writing - stand out for their rarity value.
For every one game where 190-odd plays 200, there have been six near-walkovers. Indeed, the Chennai v Bangalore game referred to earlier was followed immediately by Pune getting bundled out for 115 by Kings XI who then knocked off the required runs at a canter, eventually staggering over the line in the 18th over. Even without the pyrotechnics of the game that immediately preceded it, this was an absolute turd of a match. Kolkata have beaten Kings XI with almost a quarter of their overs not required, Delhi have skittled Mumbai and knocked off the requirement with even more balls than that remaining. What particularly frustrates with these games is the always-irritating strategic time-out. Yes we know they're extended ad breaks, but what strategy do you discuss when you need eight runs to win, have four overs to get them in and have seven wickets in hand? "What do you reckon Jacques?". "I reckon I'm going to clobber the next two balls to the fence Gautam". "Good plan big feller".
There have been some pitiful chases as well such as Rajasthan coming up short by 59 runs against Bangalore and Deccan failing by just the 74 against Chennai. Another nadir was Kolkata failing to beat Kings XI in their first meeting despite chasing a derisory 135 and being 73/2 at one stage. Not one facet of that game was anything like top class.
Rubbish captaincy, bizarre bowling changes and truly horrible batting has blighted the tournament this year so far, but we keep watching, hoping the next 200+ chase is just around the corner. AB de Villiers's improvisation, the sheer power of Chris Gayle and all the snarling aggression of Dale Steyn keep us interested and good job that they do, because sometimes the IPL makes itself very hard to love.
Thursday 29 March 2012
Put it away
England were skittled for 264 chasing 340 for an improbable win in Galle today, a ground where the highest successful fourth innings chase is still just 96. A trademark obdurate century from Jonathan Trott apart, it was a pretty miserable effort with all ten wickets falling to spin, six for Rangana Herath and four to Suraj Randiv, as England brought their form from the UAE with them to Sri Lanka.
Whereas in the Emirates they were undone by the unerringly accurate Abdur Rehman and the talent and mind-trickery of Saeed Ajmal, here there was no talk even of doosras, let alone teesras and carom balls. For all they are skilful bowlers, Herath and Randiv are not mystery spinners in the way Ajantha Mendis is. Neither are they prodigious spinners of the ball in the manner of a Muralitharan. At this particular moment, Sunil Narine looks - outwardly at least - fuller of tricks than this pair. Where they have flourished, however, is with a peculiarly English obsession with the sweep shot.
The curiosity arises because of the coach. Andy Flower was brilliant against spin and also a fine player of the sweep. However he succeeded there as he played the ball on it's merits and brought the sweep out where appropriate. The current England line-up use it in pre-meditated fashion and invariably end up getting out to it. It's a low percentage shot and perhaps indicative of the pressure England's batsmen are putting themselves under against the spinners. Tying themselves in knots playing straight the sweep is used to relieve pressure, the irony being that by playing it badly to balls that aren't there to sweep, it keeps getting them out and piles more pressure on the next man who then resorts to the sweep. It's a never-ending cycle, a self-fulfilling prophecy with an air of the inevitable that Sisyphus would think was a bit much.
England's loss here was down to many things - Mahela's brilliance, dropped catches, not polishing the tail off, one crucial no-ball, the continued absence of Tim "ten for ten" Bresnan - but taking the sweep shot outside and leaving it by the bins would be a good way to start putting things right.
Whereas in the Emirates they were undone by the unerringly accurate Abdur Rehman and the talent and mind-trickery of Saeed Ajmal, here there was no talk even of doosras, let alone teesras and carom balls. For all they are skilful bowlers, Herath and Randiv are not mystery spinners in the way Ajantha Mendis is. Neither are they prodigious spinners of the ball in the manner of a Muralitharan. At this particular moment, Sunil Narine looks - outwardly at least - fuller of tricks than this pair. Where they have flourished, however, is with a peculiarly English obsession with the sweep shot.
The curiosity arises because of the coach. Andy Flower was brilliant against spin and also a fine player of the sweep. However he succeeded there as he played the ball on it's merits and brought the sweep out where appropriate. The current England line-up use it in pre-meditated fashion and invariably end up getting out to it. It's a low percentage shot and perhaps indicative of the pressure England's batsmen are putting themselves under against the spinners. Tying themselves in knots playing straight the sweep is used to relieve pressure, the irony being that by playing it badly to balls that aren't there to sweep, it keeps getting them out and piles more pressure on the next man who then resorts to the sweep. It's a never-ending cycle, a self-fulfilling prophecy with an air of the inevitable that Sisyphus would think was a bit much.
England's loss here was down to many things - Mahela's brilliance, dropped catches, not polishing the tail off, one crucial no-ball, the continued absence of Tim "ten for ten" Bresnan - but taking the sweep shot outside and leaving it by the bins would be a good way to start putting things right.
Friday 16 March 2012
Finally - SRT and the statistical bucket
It's not been that long since the completely arbitrary landmark of one hundred international centuries became a thing, but a thing it undoubtedly has become, a thing of such weight and importance that it's loomed large and forebodingly over no such a head as that of the Little Master, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar.
But he has done it. He's finally done the thing that nobody thought was a thing until he reached about 95 international hundreds in all formats of the game. After the longest century-drought* in his career, he knocked 114 against Bangladesh in the Asia Cup and India basically stopped for an hour.
This thing about doing things 'in international cricket' only seemed to become a landmark when Muttiah Muralitharan was approaching 1000 wickets in all forms of the game. Yes, it's impressive, but does it really mean anything? Maybe with international players playing less domestic cricket it's had to become more of a thing as you're not going to get players scoring a hundred first-class hundreds a la Geoff Boycott, Mark Ramprakash, Jack Hobbs and many others. Denied that, maybe we have to start lumping all international cricket into the same statistical bucket and sieving out the nuggets we perceive to be significant. Is a t20 power-blast even comparable to a ten-hour grind to save a Test match? Or, more pertinently, should it be?
In all seriousness though, it was a huge deal. Since his 99th, the expectation level has gone through the roof and that happened to coincide with one of those dips in form that even happen to cricket immortals such as SRT. It would be nice - statistically speaking - for him to notch another ODI ton and make it 50 hundreds in both ODIs and Tests, but frankly, he's done enough. At times during this last year, it's looked like he's had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He's seen his good friend Rahul Dravid - only a few months older - retire from the game and it would not be a surprise to see Tendulkar call it a day after this tournament.
If he does retire, fine. If he carries on, fine. He owes the cricketing world nothing. Or at least he doesn't until someone reaches into the statistical bucket and discovers another thing that isn't really a thing but is portrayed as a hugely significant landmark.
EDIT: The above was written while the game was still ongoing. It has just finished and India have lost thanks in part to some horrible bowling and some thunderblasts off the bat of Mushfiqur Rahim. This is sort of poetic. It means that Sachin's meaningless hundred that came in a meaningless game in a meaningless tournament against meaningless opposition (if we're being very mean) to reach a meaningless statistical landmark becomes even more meaningless. And that's possibly the most meaningful thing about it.
* - one year and three months. Pfft. This author's century drought stands at 36 years, 11 months and three weeks. And counting.
But he has done it. He's finally done the thing that nobody thought was a thing until he reached about 95 international hundreds in all formats of the game. After the longest century-drought* in his career, he knocked 114 against Bangladesh in the Asia Cup and India basically stopped for an hour.
This thing about doing things 'in international cricket' only seemed to become a landmark when Muttiah Muralitharan was approaching 1000 wickets in all forms of the game. Yes, it's impressive, but does it really mean anything? Maybe with international players playing less domestic cricket it's had to become more of a thing as you're not going to get players scoring a hundred first-class hundreds a la Geoff Boycott, Mark Ramprakash, Jack Hobbs and many others. Denied that, maybe we have to start lumping all international cricket into the same statistical bucket and sieving out the nuggets we perceive to be significant. Is a t20 power-blast even comparable to a ten-hour grind to save a Test match? Or, more pertinently, should it be?
In all seriousness though, it was a huge deal. Since his 99th, the expectation level has gone through the roof and that happened to coincide with one of those dips in form that even happen to cricket immortals such as SRT. It would be nice - statistically speaking - for him to notch another ODI ton and make it 50 hundreds in both ODIs and Tests, but frankly, he's done enough. At times during this last year, it's looked like he's had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He's seen his good friend Rahul Dravid - only a few months older - retire from the game and it would not be a surprise to see Tendulkar call it a day after this tournament.
If he does retire, fine. If he carries on, fine. He owes the cricketing world nothing. Or at least he doesn't until someone reaches into the statistical bucket and discovers another thing that isn't really a thing but is portrayed as a hugely significant landmark.
EDIT: The above was written while the game was still ongoing. It has just finished and India have lost thanks in part to some horrible bowling and some thunderblasts off the bat of Mushfiqur Rahim. This is sort of poetic. It means that Sachin's meaningless hundred that came in a meaningless game in a meaningless tournament against meaningless opposition (if we're being very mean) to reach a meaningless statistical landmark becomes even more meaningless. And that's possibly the most meaningful thing about it.
* - one year and three months. Pfft. This author's century drought stands at 36 years, 11 months and three weeks. And counting.
Friday 9 March 2012
The Wall
The writing was pretty much on the wall (pun completely intended) as six of his last eight dismissals have come by way of being clean bowled. As soon as Rahul Dravid announced that he was to hold a press conference today, it wasn't difficult to guess what was coming. After 164 Test matches, 344 ODIs, 24,000 patiently gathered runs, an astonishing number of catches and, lest we forget, 14 stumpings, The Wall has retired.
One of the true greats, he seemed happy to let Sachin Tendulkar get the headlines, to remain stoic at one end while Virender Sehwag go batshit insane at the other, but he was no less important to that Dream Team of the last decade and more. Moreover, he seemed to shun the limelight away from the field of play. Not for him the armed entourage of SRT, nor the front page headlines when he had a haircut a la MS Dhoni. No swagger or sneer (here's looking at you, Yuvraj), no theatrics, pantomime villainry or Billy Big-bollocks type behaviour. The term 'role model' always sits uneasily when referring to sportsmen, but here is one. He would do anything for the team, including keeping wicket and opening in times of emergency. Team before self every time and, as such, it's difficult to avoid the feeling that his contribution has always been under-appreciated. It began to get the recognition it deserved towards the end of his career, especially in that tour of England when he was the outstanding player of the series, despite being on the end of a 4-0 whitewash.
It remains something of a grotesque legacy that he will continue to play in the pantomime/circus environs of the IPL, his game the absolute antithesis of what t20 cricket stands for, but hey ho. Everyone has to earn a living, right? It also remains a bizarre statistical anomaly that he both made his international t20 debut and announced his international t20 retirement on the same day, a long way north of his 38th birthday.
Of that Dream Team, Saurav Ganguly went some time ago and Dravid has now followed. VVS Laxman surely can't have much longer and Sehwag and Tendulkar are hardly young men. There seems to have been a lack of succession planning and while the like of Virat Kohli and Suresh Raina look good fleetingly in one-dayers, their lack of Test credentials have been horribly exposed by both England and Australia while Gautam Gambhir can only be relied upon outside of the wedding season. The retirement of Dravid denies the younger players the rock around which they can build an innings. They're going to have to start thinking for themselves.
So long, The Wall. If only the next generation of Indian batsmen had cojones like yours.
One of the true greats, he seemed happy to let Sachin Tendulkar get the headlines, to remain stoic at one end while Virender Sehwag go batshit insane at the other, but he was no less important to that Dream Team of the last decade and more. Moreover, he seemed to shun the limelight away from the field of play. Not for him the armed entourage of SRT, nor the front page headlines when he had a haircut a la MS Dhoni. No swagger or sneer (here's looking at you, Yuvraj), no theatrics, pantomime villainry or Billy Big-bollocks type behaviour. The term 'role model' always sits uneasily when referring to sportsmen, but here is one. He would do anything for the team, including keeping wicket and opening in times of emergency. Team before self every time and, as such, it's difficult to avoid the feeling that his contribution has always been under-appreciated. It began to get the recognition it deserved towards the end of his career, especially in that tour of England when he was the outstanding player of the series, despite being on the end of a 4-0 whitewash.
It remains something of a grotesque legacy that he will continue to play in the pantomime/circus environs of the IPL, his game the absolute antithesis of what t20 cricket stands for, but hey ho. Everyone has to earn a living, right? It also remains a bizarre statistical anomaly that he both made his international t20 debut and announced his international t20 retirement on the same day, a long way north of his 38th birthday.
Of that Dream Team, Saurav Ganguly went some time ago and Dravid has now followed. VVS Laxman surely can't have much longer and Sehwag and Tendulkar are hardly young men. There seems to have been a lack of succession planning and while the like of Virat Kohli and Suresh Raina look good fleetingly in one-dayers, their lack of Test credentials have been horribly exposed by both England and Australia while Gautam Gambhir can only be relied upon outside of the wedding season. The retirement of Dravid denies the younger players the rock around which they can build an innings. They're going to have to start thinking for themselves.
So long, The Wall. If only the next generation of Indian batsmen had cojones like yours.
Wednesday 7 March 2012
Sir Viv at 60
Vivian Richards. The name still conjures great memories and images. Even watching him speak on the documentary Fire In Babylon which was televised free-to-air just a couple of weeks ago, he still commands attention and respect.
The West Indian side of the late 1970s was fearsome. Pace and aggression from the bowlers, power and aggression from the batsmen. Have you ever seen an aggressive wicket-keeper? Well Jeffrey Dujon was, somehow. Gordon Greenidge was brilliant. You wept for bowlers if he limped to the crease. Clive Lloyd and, more latterly, Carl Hooper were languidly destructive. The seemingly never-ending battery of hostile bowlers, from Andy Roberts and Colin Croft through Michael Holding, Joel Garner and the sublime Malcolm Marshall to Courtney Walsh and Curtly Ambrose could frighten the life out of you when watching on TV some 4000 miles away.
But then there was Viv. Probably the most frightening of the lot, he was so much more. He was cool. He swaggered. He owned the game for 15 years. He was the one everybody wanted to be when the bat and ball came out at lunchtime at school, which in a very white Catholic school in North Yorkshire was quite something. He turns 60 years old today and still looks like he could do a decent job out in the middle.
His natural heir is Chris Gayle. Not as talented, but equally as laid-back, destructive and, above all, cool. Gayle is still not being picked by the West Indies, but Tino Best is. Maybe sorting that clear aberration would be the best way to honour the great man on this anniversary.
The West Indian side of the late 1970s was fearsome. Pace and aggression from the bowlers, power and aggression from the batsmen. Have you ever seen an aggressive wicket-keeper? Well Jeffrey Dujon was, somehow. Gordon Greenidge was brilliant. You wept for bowlers if he limped to the crease. Clive Lloyd and, more latterly, Carl Hooper were languidly destructive. The seemingly never-ending battery of hostile bowlers, from Andy Roberts and Colin Croft through Michael Holding, Joel Garner and the sublime Malcolm Marshall to Courtney Walsh and Curtly Ambrose could frighten the life out of you when watching on TV some 4000 miles away.
But then there was Viv. Probably the most frightening of the lot, he was so much more. He was cool. He swaggered. He owned the game for 15 years. He was the one everybody wanted to be when the bat and ball came out at lunchtime at school, which in a very white Catholic school in North Yorkshire was quite something. He turns 60 years old today and still looks like he could do a decent job out in the middle.
His natural heir is Chris Gayle. Not as talented, but equally as laid-back, destructive and, above all, cool. Gayle is still not being picked by the West Indies, but Tino Best is. Maybe sorting that clear aberration would be the best way to honour the great man on this anniversary.
Monday 6 February 2012
England undone by the Emperor's New Delivery
It's a pretty hard bump that England have returned to earth with. After dismissing a fading India with disdain, an up-and-coming Pakistan have made them look like amateurs.
England's bowlers have played very well. Monty Panesar was brought back into the fold after they toiled with a lone spin option in the first Test and played very well on helpful pitches. Graeme Swann was effective, if a little overshadowed by the returning Panesar, while Stuart Broad and James Anderson both had exceptional spells in trying conditions for exponents of swing such as they. But no matter what the bowling unit achieved, they were persistently and consistently let down by the batting. The top six were just awful.
Ian Bell came into this series having finished third highest scorer in 2011 - behind Rahul Dravid and Kumar Sangakkara who had twelve and ten more innings respectively - and an average of over 118. He made 51 runs at 8 in the UAE. Kevin Pietersen fared slightly better making 67 at 11 and Eoin Morgan averaged 14 in making 82 runs in the series. Jonathan Trott has been the most successful of the top six batsmen out there, but he only made 161 runs at a snip under 27 each. All of them have found a variety of ways of getting out and much of that is down to a piece of confidence trickery from Saeed Ajmal before anyone turned their arm over.
The teesra, he claimed, was a new delivery he'd been working on and was ready to show it to England's batsmen. It's a brilliant ball, and the real cleverness of it lies in the fact that it doesn't exist.
Ajmal genuinely turns it both ways - not by much, but that's hardly the point. Like all spinners, he's also got one that goes on with the arm. By inventing a non-existent ball, he added an extra level of uncertainty into the minds of the batsmen. Already uncertain as to which direction it was turning, they were all waiting for this mystery ball that never arrived. They couldn't take risks against Ajmal, so were forced to against the unerringly consistent Abdur Rehman and the seamers who all weighed in with decent contributions. Ajmal was picking up wickets with stock off-breaks, players failing to read it from the hand, in flight or off the pitch, mesmerised by his insistence that he'd created something when what he had in fact invented was the Emperor's New Delivery.
This is a triumph for the art of deception. Test cricket is an much a test of mental fortitude as it is of technique and the clear winner in the mind games stakes is the Derren Brown of cricket, Saeed Ajmal.
England's bowlers have played very well. Monty Panesar was brought back into the fold after they toiled with a lone spin option in the first Test and played very well on helpful pitches. Graeme Swann was effective, if a little overshadowed by the returning Panesar, while Stuart Broad and James Anderson both had exceptional spells in trying conditions for exponents of swing such as they. But no matter what the bowling unit achieved, they were persistently and consistently let down by the batting. The top six were just awful.
Ian Bell came into this series having finished third highest scorer in 2011 - behind Rahul Dravid and Kumar Sangakkara who had twelve and ten more innings respectively - and an average of over 118. He made 51 runs at 8 in the UAE. Kevin Pietersen fared slightly better making 67 at 11 and Eoin Morgan averaged 14 in making 82 runs in the series. Jonathan Trott has been the most successful of the top six batsmen out there, but he only made 161 runs at a snip under 27 each. All of them have found a variety of ways of getting out and much of that is down to a piece of confidence trickery from Saeed Ajmal before anyone turned their arm over.
The teesra, he claimed, was a new delivery he'd been working on and was ready to show it to England's batsmen. It's a brilliant ball, and the real cleverness of it lies in the fact that it doesn't exist.
Ajmal genuinely turns it both ways - not by much, but that's hardly the point. Like all spinners, he's also got one that goes on with the arm. By inventing a non-existent ball, he added an extra level of uncertainty into the minds of the batsmen. Already uncertain as to which direction it was turning, they were all waiting for this mystery ball that never arrived. They couldn't take risks against Ajmal, so were forced to against the unerringly consistent Abdur Rehman and the seamers who all weighed in with decent contributions. Ajmal was picking up wickets with stock off-breaks, players failing to read it from the hand, in flight or off the pitch, mesmerised by his insistence that he'd created something when what he had in fact invented was the Emperor's New Delivery.
This is a triumph for the art of deception. Test cricket is an much a test of mental fortitude as it is of technique and the clear winner in the mind games stakes is the Derren Brown of cricket, Saeed Ajmal.
Friday 3 February 2012
Letters to my late father #1
Hi Dad.
You'd have liked this. Proper, attritional Test cricket. There's something there for the bowlers, which would be new to you, or at least a throwback. Moreover, bowlers are being rewarded, far more than you were used to before... well, y'know.
You'd probably have hated the DRS when it was first mooted. My fear too was that it would undermine the on-field umpire, but after a few teething troubles, it's pretty much won me over. I dare say that the BCCI's intransigence on this has emboldened my stance, but I'd have to consider myself pro-DRS now whatever the reasons. It's definitely had an effect on umpires and what they will and will not give out. TV evidence has shown that things they'd never give previously are indeed as out as you and I always suspected they were. No longer can you get away with plonking your front pad five feet down the track and expect to get away with it.
The art of spinning the ball is back with a vengeance as a result. So is the art of reading it, out of the hand and off the wicket. For all England are ranked number one in the world - no I'm not kidding - there's an alarming lack of ability to read spin. Ian Bell looks absolutely clueless and Kevin Pietersen is trying his usual approach of trying to hit the slow bowlers into submission. Predictably, it rarely works.
203 for 16 today. Just like three-day county games on uncovered pitches. You'd have bloody loved it. Well, right up until England sent out a nightwatchman to protect their number eight batsman. That, beyond all the batting incomptences, made me really bloody angry.
BACKGROUND: My dad died just over three years ago. He brought me up on cricket and we'd spend hours watching it together. Good times. When I moved away, we'd still chew the cud over the day's play and when cricket moved onto Sky, I'd call him at lunch, tea and/or close to relate what had happened. The first England Test after he died, I found myself reaching for the phone to call him. I was half way through dialling when I remembered he wouldn't be there. I still find myself doing it now. Instead, I'm going to start writing him these letters.
You'd have liked this. Proper, attritional Test cricket. There's something there for the bowlers, which would be new to you, or at least a throwback. Moreover, bowlers are being rewarded, far more than you were used to before... well, y'know.
You'd probably have hated the DRS when it was first mooted. My fear too was that it would undermine the on-field umpire, but after a few teething troubles, it's pretty much won me over. I dare say that the BCCI's intransigence on this has emboldened my stance, but I'd have to consider myself pro-DRS now whatever the reasons. It's definitely had an effect on umpires and what they will and will not give out. TV evidence has shown that things they'd never give previously are indeed as out as you and I always suspected they were. No longer can you get away with plonking your front pad five feet down the track and expect to get away with it.
The art of spinning the ball is back with a vengeance as a result. So is the art of reading it, out of the hand and off the wicket. For all England are ranked number one in the world - no I'm not kidding - there's an alarming lack of ability to read spin. Ian Bell looks absolutely clueless and Kevin Pietersen is trying his usual approach of trying to hit the slow bowlers into submission. Predictably, it rarely works.
203 for 16 today. Just like three-day county games on uncovered pitches. You'd have bloody loved it. Well, right up until England sent out a nightwatchman to protect their number eight batsman. That, beyond all the batting incomptences, made me really bloody angry.
BACKGROUND: My dad died just over three years ago. He brought me up on cricket and we'd spend hours watching it together. Good times. When I moved away, we'd still chew the cud over the day's play and when cricket moved onto Sky, I'd call him at lunch, tea and/or close to relate what had happened. The first England Test after he died, I found myself reaching for the phone to call him. I was half way through dialling when I remembered he wouldn't be there. I still find myself doing it now. Instead, I'm going to start writing him these letters.
Thursday 26 January 2012
Big Bash - Bigger Blunders
Oh, Jade. It doesn't get much better for Mr Dernbach in the Big Bash, apparently still underway in Australia. Sledged for his poor sledging is one thing, and now he's never going to be able to sledge anyone again after these two hilarious drops in the deep.
Jade Dernbach, ladies and gentlemen, graduate from the Monty 'Rhodes' Panesar fielding school.
Jade Dernbach, ladies and gentlemen, graduate from the Monty 'Rhodes' Panesar fielding school.
Saturday 14 January 2012
Cricketers + Crisps - An Insight
Here at Tasty Morkels, we would not usually bother ourselves with the minutiae of cricket advertising or endorsements. We are of course fans of cricket, but we would never, for example, call a six a 'DLF Maximum'. Nor would we ever call the Ashes the 'npower ashes series'. The Advanced Hair Studio adverts are a source of endless amusement, but not inspiration (we've all got fine heads of hair at TM Towers, thank you).
However, while trawling on youtube, I came across this, and I felt it needed a moment's meditation:
However, while trawling on youtube, I came across this, and I felt it needed a moment's meditation:
I think we just need to take a minute here to take in what we're seeing. This is South African one-day stars JP Duminy and AB De Villiers (now the South African ODI captain) performing Bollywood dancing, and then.....De Villiers rides an umpire like a horse. A horse. I don't know how this managed to escape our attention last year, but it left me gobsmacked.
I think it is more the advert's message that frightens me the most. The idea seems to be that if you are a professional cricketer, and you eat a certain brand of crisps, you will hallucinate wild ideas and violate local customs by jumping on the back of the nearest person and ride him like a wild mare. That's not a potato snack I'd want to be anywhere near. Walkers already do enough damage to poor Gary Lineker's mental state. He's been addicted for years - he's been hallucinating visions of Lionel Ritchie, Cat Deeley, et al, since 1995. It's a measure of his professionalism that he still finds time to extensively tan and do such a thorough job on Match of the Day once a week.
On reflection, maybe retired leg-spinners preaching about hair-loss remedies is not the thin end of the wedge after all.
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Five reasons England should be worried
England are soon to go into battle against Pakistan on neutral ground in the Arabian desert. With a fine 12 months behind them - well, excepting the 50-over format - England are widely fancied to win the series and maintain their number one ranking, increasing the gap while they're at it. But for all that they will start favourites, it behoves us all to take a moment to consider five reasons why Pakistan are nobodies pushover.
1. Experience of conditions
The UAE presents a new experience for all the England players. Pakistan, by contrast, are embarking on their third 'home' series played there. The pitches are laid on top of clay from Pakistan and have proved to be quite sub-continental in their make-up - slow, low turners. Swing tends to work - England have the edge there, for sure - but there is a great change in character between the old ball and the new and that is something new for the England batsmen to deal with.
2. Spin
England have the best spin bowler in the world at the moment. What Pakistan have is options. Saeed Ajmal has been superb on these desert tracks while Mohammad Hafeez, Azhar Ali and Asad Shafiq are more than useful part-timers. By contrast, England look certain to be going in with Swann and the part-time option of Kevin Pietersen. If the Pakistan batsmen get after Pietersen and knock him out of the attack, England have a problem. If the England batsmen knock one of the Pakistan spinners around, there are three more waiting in the wings.
3. No fear
While spinners will play a big part with the old ball, pace and swing are key up front. Pakistan may have lost two of their finer exponents to Her Majesty's pleasure, but they keep turning up young tyros who can wang it down at speed and with control. Aizaz Cheema and Junaid Khan are the latest pair, a right-arm/left-arm combo, and both had successes against Sri Lanka where they bowled at some true greats of the game without any fear. They won't care what the England top order's career records look like. They'll just got out and knock you over - literally or metaphorically, either is fine.
4. Revenge
Statements to the press may say otherwise, but after what happened on their last tour of England there's more than an element of revenge in the air ahead of this one. Accusations flew this way and that and nobody in that party escaped suspicion. Since the verdicts came down, Ajmal and Shahid Afridi (not playing in the Tests, but back for the ODIs and T20s) emerged as anti-corruption heroes. Misbah-ul-Haq has presided over a new-look side untainted by the stench of what went before and now this is an opportunity to show everyone they can beat the best without any hint of it not being totally legitimate. That's a powerful incentive.
5. Tim Bresnan
The Yorkshireman only deals in Test victories. In ten matches for his country, England have won ten times. Indeed, the closest that the opposition has come in this time is either the 181-run or 8-wicket wins over Bangladesh. 40% of the time that Tim Bresnan plays for England, they win by an innings. He averages 45 with the bat and 24 with the ball, so it's far more than coincidence. Moreover, he provides a great deal of the balance to the team. Despite the impressive figures, they may be exaggerated by dint of having played so few games and it takes a leap of logic to suggest he's a genuine all-rounder rather than a bowler who can bat. See also Graeme Swann and Stuart Broad, but add all three of those together and you have the equivalent of a genuine all-rounder, just spread over three different individuals. Bresnan is hugely important to how England set up and he is a big loss.
1. Experience of conditions
The UAE presents a new experience for all the England players. Pakistan, by contrast, are embarking on their third 'home' series played there. The pitches are laid on top of clay from Pakistan and have proved to be quite sub-continental in their make-up - slow, low turners. Swing tends to work - England have the edge there, for sure - but there is a great change in character between the old ball and the new and that is something new for the England batsmen to deal with.
2. Spin
England have the best spin bowler in the world at the moment. What Pakistan have is options. Saeed Ajmal has been superb on these desert tracks while Mohammad Hafeez, Azhar Ali and Asad Shafiq are more than useful part-timers. By contrast, England look certain to be going in with Swann and the part-time option of Kevin Pietersen. If the Pakistan batsmen get after Pietersen and knock him out of the attack, England have a problem. If the England batsmen knock one of the Pakistan spinners around, there are three more waiting in the wings.
3. No fear
While spinners will play a big part with the old ball, pace and swing are key up front. Pakistan may have lost two of their finer exponents to Her Majesty's pleasure, but they keep turning up young tyros who can wang it down at speed and with control. Aizaz Cheema and Junaid Khan are the latest pair, a right-arm/left-arm combo, and both had successes against Sri Lanka where they bowled at some true greats of the game without any fear. They won't care what the England top order's career records look like. They'll just got out and knock you over - literally or metaphorically, either is fine.
4. Revenge
Statements to the press may say otherwise, but after what happened on their last tour of England there's more than an element of revenge in the air ahead of this one. Accusations flew this way and that and nobody in that party escaped suspicion. Since the verdicts came down, Ajmal and Shahid Afridi (not playing in the Tests, but back for the ODIs and T20s) emerged as anti-corruption heroes. Misbah-ul-Haq has presided over a new-look side untainted by the stench of what went before and now this is an opportunity to show everyone they can beat the best without any hint of it not being totally legitimate. That's a powerful incentive.
5. Tim Bresnan
The Yorkshireman only deals in Test victories. In ten matches for his country, England have won ten times. Indeed, the closest that the opposition has come in this time is either the 181-run or 8-wicket wins over Bangladesh. 40% of the time that Tim Bresnan plays for England, they win by an innings. He averages 45 with the bat and 24 with the ball, so it's far more than coincidence. Moreover, he provides a great deal of the balance to the team. Despite the impressive figures, they may be exaggerated by dint of having played so few games and it takes a leap of logic to suggest he's a genuine all-rounder rather than a bowler who can bat. See also Graeme Swann and Stuart Broad, but add all three of those together and you have the equivalent of a genuine all-rounder, just spread over three different individuals. Bresnan is hugely important to how England set up and he is a big loss.
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