Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Containing bowler

Someone who couldn't take a wicket on the world's most helpful pitch, in overcast conditions, iffy light and against a batsman who barely knows which end to hold.

See also; Able to hold an end up, he bowls dry

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Good review

Employing the DRS in a manner that an obviously incorrect decision is overturned, i.e. used how it's supposed to be.

Synonym: Appalling decision.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013


1. To bring an innings to a close with a flurry of wickets.
"He's cleaned-up the tail and New Zealand have been bundled out for less than 50 for the third time in this series"

2. euph. Cover-up
As in: "[Unnamed cricket board with issues regarding match-fixing, corruption and bribery] launch Operation Clean-Up"

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Experience, Not lacking in


I see Surrey have signed Solanki, Ponting, WG Grace and Wilfred Rhodes. They won't be lacking experience this season.

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Stuart Broad Indian diary - an apology

We apologise for the non-appearance of days three to five of our exclusive extracts from Stuart Broad's diary, but we were busy and it transpires anyway that, in light of his comments after the game, particularly those exchanged with Ian Botham, he is completely, totally and utterly unsatirisable.

Friday, 16 November 2012

Stuart Broad's Indian diary - day two


I have never been so insulted in my life. Yes, the pitch is a bit slow, but for Matt Prior to stand up to the stumps when I'm bowling? I can barely express my anger. I'm so full of rage, it's all I can do to type.

Needless to say, I was brilliant today. I softened the batsmen up with some short-pitch bowling so that Swanny and Pately could fill their boots. Of course, I should have had some wickets of my own, but my appeals to the umpires for ones going way over the top or a yard down leg fell on deaf ears. I'm not sure these blokes realise who I am. Cooky didn't fancy any reviews either - not sure what his problem with that is. And the shoddy fielding... This is not what I expect. I did everything I could to rally the guys like you expect from the vice-captain - hold out both arms like the Angel of the North, do the double teapot, lots of glaring at people who are simply making it look like my bowling was shit or something with their pisspoor efforts in the field. I fail to see what else I can do.

Unfortunately, I was still seething about Priory's insult when it came our turn to bat, so I didn't even bother to volunteer to open this time. Instead, I offered helpful tips to the procession of team-mates - Comptony, Andersony, Trotty - coming back into the pavilion about what they should have done instead. I tell you, I wouldn't have got out like that on this. There's bugger all in this pitch.

I'll get my own back on Priory though. I'll get one of my mates to set up a spoof twitter account. Everyone loves that, right?