Thursday 22 December 2011

Tasty Morkels review of 2011

Here at Tasty Morkels, we like nothing better than to enjoy and celebrate all the moments that create the rich tapestry of skill, drama and humour that is cricket. 2011 provided plenty of examples, and as it's that time of year, it makes sense to hand out some awards on that basis.

Team of the Year

England

We're number 1 aren't we? Not only did we wrap up a 3-1 series win over the Aussies at their place, we then rolled over the supposedly fearsome Indians (who hardly looked bothered - more on that later) in a 4-0 mauling. Andy Flower has the balance of the side spot on: The batting order is settled, with runs potential from all top six slots. Ian Bell and Alistair Cook are in the form of their lives, easing the pressure on Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pietersen; Tim Bresnan and Chris Tremlett have joined James Anderson and Stuart Broad to create the world's most potent pace attack.

Next year will prove a huge test with the visit of the Saffers, who will doubtless be a trickier opposition than the Indians were. They too have a balanced, experienced side, with the added bonus of Dale Steyn, the pound-for-pound best fast bowler in the world, who hugely enjoyed himself here when he visited last time around. It's going to be tasty.

Let-Down of the Year

India

They were rubbish, weren't they? Lacklustre in the field, listless and impatient with the bat, inaccurate with the ball. All the hype, all the talk about when Sachin was going to make ton number 100, all the build up after their World Cup win, amounted to diddly squat given that they showed a complete inability to adapt to remotely challenging conditions outside their homeland. A couple of players came out with some credit, but for most it seemed like they couldn't be less interested in a test series in England. Good riddance to them. Oh and good luck in Australia too, I reckon you'll need it.

Hero of the Year

Rahul Dravid

Which makes, in light of the above, Rahul Dravid's efforts all the more admirable. Dravid is the consumate batsman, a true gentleman, and an all round good egg. Surrounded by mediocrity, his visit to England was still a hugely impressive one, and only Ian Bell and Kevin Pietersen compiled more runs in that largely one-sided series. Even at 38, Dravid's technique is still a thing of beauty to behold; His immaculate defence; his shot selection of surgical precision; his tenacity and mental strength that have been a hallmark of his long stays at the crease for the best part of 20 years.

Dravid is, at the time of writing, the leading run scorer in test cricket this year. Yet this is also a poignant point because it also feels like he, alongside Sachin Tendulkar and VVS Laxman, is part of a dying breed - an Indian batsman that cares about the long form of the game. The BCCI seems so determined to pander to the Corporate shills and stamp out test cricket that we may not see the likes of him again for many years. At 38, Dravid surely does not have too many more long batting vigils left in him, but he leaves behind a significant and hugely admirable legacy.

Match of the Year

India vs England, Bangalore, ICC Cricket World Cup February 27

Oh alright, I suppose I have to pay due tributes to limited overs cricket at some point. Yes, this one was a real cracker, the type of match that isn't produced nearly often enough by ODI's. The hosts, and eventual winners, set England the commanding and intimidating 339 winning score, thanks largely to the little Master's sensational run-a-ball 120. Captain Andrew Strauss then produced a quite magnificent century in response - his first in ODI's - to guide the England chase to a thrilling and quite remarkable conclusion, aided and abetted by some tremendous lower order hitting and a hugely important (but rather overlooked) chanceless 69 from Ian Bell. Swann and Shahzad tied the game and in the process seemed also to revive the hitherto flagging 50-over concept.

Who on earth his he? of the Year

Kevin O'Brien

5 days later, England were beaten by Ireland, as a big ginger lad who no-one had ever heard of scored the fastest world cup century ever to humiliate a team previously buoyant from tieing with the hosts. O'Brien cracked 13 boundaries and six maximums in an extraordinary display of brute force which England's bowlers had no answer to. This set the wheels in motion for England's exit from the tournament at the hands of perennial no-hopers Bangladesh.

Since that heady night in March, O'Brien has intermittently shown the ability to repeat his heroics but one can't help but wonder he'll never be able to meet the expectations to produce on a consistent basis. Still, it was one hell of a knock and one hell of a way to put yourself in cricket folklore and the history books.

Conman of the Year

I couldn't very well do a review of 2011 without referring to the bizarre and hilarious case of Adrian Shankar, the Cambridge graduate who was released by Worcestershire in May after they discovered he had somewhat 'inflated' his talents; claiming variously to have played academy football with Arsenal, to be the most talented batsman a Cambridge UCCE coach had ever seen (a completely made up quote); and also to have spent three years of his life on a life support machine in a conversation with then Lancashire captain Luke Sutton.

How counties kept being fooled by Shankar, who failed to score runs at virtually any of the premier league cricket clubs, Minor Counties or First Class counties he played for, is quite bizarre. Shankar was clearly a fantasist, a con artist with a talent for blagging his way to a County contract. It proved a cautionary tale for Worcestershire as they called Inspector Knacker in to investigate possible fraud charges.

Villains of the Year

The ICC and all cricket governing bodies

For thinking, in no particular order:

- That holding a South Africa - Australia test series of just two tests is sufficient
- For continuing to make generally moronic scheduling decisions
- For not doing away with the pointless and idiotic Champions Trophy
- For still not really showing any genuine signs of a concerted effort to fight the (still obviously underlying) threat and menance of Corruption in the game.

Quote of the Year

"'Take a bit of beer and manure and rub it on your forehead''

Jacques Kallis explains how you too could miraculously obtain a luscious head of hair where previously you possessed an obviously thinning presence up top

Overrated One-Day Show Pony of the Year

Kieron Pollard

Winner of this award for presumably as long as he continues to waste his and indeed our time in international cricket, Kieron Pollard is basically a T20 specialist who likes to give it a smack and bowls military medium. Nothing special in that, and yet he continues to get job offers, even though he has never batted more than 66 balls in a One Day International.

Board Spat of the Year

Jointly won by Chris Gayle and Ramnaresh Sarwan

While Gayle travels the world as a T20 mercenary, Sarwan, arguably one of the most elegant and skilfull West Indian batsmen of his generation, hides away in domestic cricket as a result of a dispute with the WICB. And we think that's a shame.

Best laugh of the year

Seeing Phil Hughes get out 'c Guptill b Martin' again and again. What a clown.

Wednesday 21 December 2011

Big Brass Balls and Backing Up Your Words

We've not been paying a great deal of attention to the laughably named Big Bash, what with it not being shown in the UK, but two things caught our attention this week.

The first is the old master, Shane Warne. Looking younger every day, and with brighter, whiter teeth than ever thought possible, he was on the mic whilst bowling to t20 maestro Brendon McCullum. "What you gonna bowl him Shane?" asks the commentator. What happened next? Run VT:


Meanwhile, there are a few England players down there. One is Jade Dernbach, not a player we've seen anything of the international in as yet. And he's backed that assertion up with a whacking great no wickets for 80 in 8 overs in his two matches to date, but despite that return, he seems keen to let the batsmen know what for. David Warner took to Twitter after seeing Dernbach dish some verbals out. "Dernbach should worry about bowling before trying to sledge". Wise words. The Aussies might be in something of a slump when it comes to batting, bowling and fielding, but when it comes to sledging, they are still the undisputed masters and Warner's words are well listened to.

Saturday 29 October 2011

Tuesday 25 October 2011

Kieswetter, Craig

South African-born wicket-keeper who qualifies for England by virtue of a Scottish grandmother. You don't get more English for that.
The surname stems from the Afrikaans 'kie', which means iron-handed dolt, and 'swetten', which roughly translates as doesn't score runs quickly enough.

Friday 14 October 2011

Letter of thanks to the BCCI

Dear Sir,

Re the first ODI between India and England.

I'm writing to express my gratitude to the BCCI for the broadcasting arrangements for the aforementioned match at Hyderabad. The sheer professionalism of the pictures blackout was astonishing. It's rare to see something so superbly managed and executed and the timing, oh the timing. Exquisite. Many organisations wouldn't wait until half an hour before the start until deciding using Hawkeye replays was absolutely beyond the pail, but your consistency on this matter is so much better than the flip-flopping seen by other boards.
Once granted the privilege of seeing what was happening, I was also extremely pleased that we had commentators which you, the BCCI, pay rather than anyone with a modicum of impartiality. Frankly, any broadcaster that's already arranged for their people to be there should have checked to see if you'd throw an enormous strop just before the first ball was bowled before they sent them there and any complaints will, I trust, be dismissed with the contempt they deserve.

In summary, I'll happily play the part of the good, quiet, grateful consumer and not write anything sarcastic or disrespectful online in regard to your absolutely fuckwitted and childish behaviour.

Yours in sport,
JD

Friday 7 October 2011

Bowling to the pugnacious David Warner

"Right. Full, straight, middle stump".
Run in. Bowl.
THWACK!
Long on watches as it disappears over his head and into the stand.
"Bugger".

"OK. I'll bounce the little twat".
Run in. Bowl.
THWONK!
Switch-hit pull in front of square disappears over what was cover into the stand.
"Bugger".

"Right, you annoying turd. You'll not see this slower ball coming".
Run in. Bowl.
POWERSPLAT!
It sails over backward point and keeps going, into the second tier.
"Bugger".

"Alright, alright. Back of the hand, pitch on, straighten up, lbw. See how you like these apples".
Run in. Bowl.
KERBLAMMO!
Umpire takes evasive action as it goes flat and hard, straight into the sightscreen.
"Bugger".

"Split-fingered grip. He won't have seen too much of that".
Run in. Bowl.
BOOOOOOOM!
Local air traffic control report sighting of small white object affecting their equipment.
"Bugger".

"Do you know what? Fuck it. Round the wicket, pitch it up, cramp him for room".
Run in. Bowl.
SMASHEROO!
Full toss on his pads, deposited over the dancing girls and into a disbelieving row 23.
"Bugger".

Friday 23 September 2011

Shankar

1. One who lies about his age. "I know he's had work done, but that Shane Warne still reckons he's 41. I think he's a bit of a Shankar".

2. Derogatory Cockney rhyming slang. "Since he had that work done, Shane Warne looks like a right Shankar".

Thursday 22 September 2011

Champions League

Three-way circle jerk between the Indian, Australian and South African boards masquerading as a Twenty20 competition.

Haddin to quit appealing in t20s

Australian wicket-keeper Brad Haddin announced today that he is to stop appealing for things that are clearly not out in Twenty20 matches.
"I thoroughly enjoy appealing for things that are clearly not out in Twenty20s" Haddin told a press conference, "but I have to make this decision if I'm to be able to prolong my ability to appeal for things that are clearly not out in ODIs and Test matches". With this move, it's expected that Tim Paine will take up the role of appealing for things that are clearly not out and leaving the captain with the decision over whether to waste a review under the UDRS.
"I've taken great pride in appealing for things that are clearly not out for Australia" concluded Haddin, "but it's time to pass on that responsibility to a younger man".

Friday 16 September 2011

Through gritted teeth: Well done Lancashire

Once again, the county championship provided a thrilling denouement. Whether by accident, the schedule seem to throw up these conclusions in recent seasons and Lancashire have played their part in them, most notably in a noble run chase that ended just short of denying Sussex their first ever title in 2003.

The Sussex coach on that occasion was Peter Moores and now, fittingly, he's gone and broken another hoodoo, namely the 77-year wait between outright championship wins for the red rose county. Like with Sussex, he's taken a team without genuine stars and made them better than the sum of their parts and now, at last, they've made the breakthrough.

They did it tough. A month ago, they were strolling to victory, but after getting bundled out for 80 at Worcester it threw the race back into Warwickshire's favour and the Midlanders went into the final round of games ahead. Once there, however, Warkwickshire ran into the obduracy of Neil McKenzie while Lancashire - with the doughty (Yorkshire-born; I must get these digs in) Glenn Chapple bowling off a four-pace run as he pushed through the pain barrier - ground Somerset down thanks to a great late-order effort that gave them a 100-run first innings lead. Chasing 211 to win off 28 overs proved easy despite a minor wobble where two wickets went in the space of four balls. The party began and will presumably keep going for some time yet. And why not?

Meanwhile, at the other side of the hills, it's double misery as Yorkshire were relegated for reasons best explained by this excoriation by David Hopps in the Guardian. Inevitably, the rise of Lancashire and demise of Yorkshire were inextricably intertwined. Two very close Roses matches determined the fate of both sides. At Liverpool in May, Yorkshire set Lancashire 121 to win with time running out. Farveez Maharoof strode to the wicket at fourth drop and smashed a quick 30 which secured victory with four balls of the match remaining. In the return at Headingley in July, a terrific second innings bowling performance restricted Lancashire to 194 which left 284 needed for Yorkshire to win. Progress was steady, but wickets fell at regular intervals. Adil Rashid, batting at nine, was left with Ajmal Shahzad and Richie Pyrah - centurion in the first innings, batting last in the second - to try to guide them home, but Gary Keedy - a Yorkshireman, inevitably - prised out Pyrah with Yorkshire still 24 short of victory. Yorkshire fail to lose one of those games, they stay up and Lancashire fall short of the title. On such fine margins are things decided, even if it would have papered over some serious cracks at Headingley.

Those two moments were key, but two others loom large, both involving points deductions for poor pitches. Warwickshire were docked eight points in May for a pitch that showed "excessive unevenness of bounce". Hampshire suffered the same fate in July after 26 wickets went down in two days on a pitch that demonstrated "excessive turn". Spinners took 25 of the 36 wickets in the match. Since then, the Rose Bowl pitch may as well have been relocated to the middle of the M2 and that was the pitch Warwickshire had to prise 20 wickets on in their final match to win the title. They managed 17 before stumps were drawn.

Sometimes, you get the feeling your name is on a trophy. This year, it's felt like Lancashire's was destined to be on it. Does it rain less in Liverpool than in Manchester? The move to Aigburth while Old Trafford's renovation has been going on seems to have done them good and it's hard not to share in Lancashire's success.

The one consolation for this Yorkshireman is - at least it wasn't bloody Surrey.

Thursday 25 August 2011

Trott's fault

More criticism for Jonathan Trott in the light of his 69 off 105 balls against Ireland in the one-dayer at Clontarf, a strike rate of 66.

And yet... Strike rates aren't everything and Trott top-scored in the innings, eventually seventh man out as England made 201/8 in a rain-affected innings. And the fact it was rain-affected it probably says it all. Rain or shine, Trott has the ability to judge a pitch and play every single ball on it's merits - he averages over 50 in ODIs precisely for this reason - unlike his colleagues who keep getting out to pre-meditated shots that the situation simply doesn't warrant.

Anyone expecting Trott to go berserk and send fireworks shooting into the sky clearly hasn't seen the lad's approach. But he is someone around whom an innings can be built and when he does go to 80, 90, 100, the strike rate is pretty close to a run a ball. And, frankly, if half the other England batsmen had as much determination to keep their wicket intact, the side would be far higher up the rankings already.

The old adage says that you can't score runs whilst sat in the pavilion and it's only survived so long because it's true. 69 runs at 66 is a hell of a lot better than 14 from 26 balls (Kieswetter, the supposedly explosive one) or even 13 from 12 (Samit Patel), particularly on a tricky pitch in tricky conditions against a pretty decent attack.

The one thing about Trott is that Alistair Cook's approach in ODIs is just about the same. With Cook a guaranteed starter as captain, is there room for both? Possibly not, but there is value in a Trott if only because you know that whatever his approach to an innings is, it's probably the right one. Watch and learn.

Sunday 31 July 2011

The new king

Peter Borren is the new King of Yorkshire.

The Bell epoch

A number of questions come about from the bizarre non-dismissal of Ian Bell at Trent Bridge. The main one is: how hungry was he? He was off for tea like a shot, before anyone else was really aware of what was happening. Was he that determined to beat a hungry-looking Jonathan Trott to the sandwiches? That Trott looks like a man who'd be difficult to shift from a buffet table. Either way, Dhoni/Fletcher's subsequent recalling allows Bell to get away with some grade A fuckwittery while completely emasculating Dhoni, the lily-livered lightweight. You really have to see these things through once you start down that path. Fair enough that he should appeal as we all know wicket-keepers are the biggest set of lying bullshitters* known to man and their word should never be taken without a substantial heap of salt.
Sadly, Bell then failed to be consistent when nicking one to VVS Laxman later on. He could at least have checked for the no-ball.

Personally, I blame Shakoor Rana.


* - Kumar Sangakkara notwithstanding

Saturday 4 June 2011

A fatwa on slow over rates

The current Test at Lord's between England and Sri Lanka is a cracker, swinging this way and that. But we're not going to talk about Morgan's genius, Prior's amazing first innings average, a rare failure for Jonathan Trott, Tillekeratne Dilshan's curious field placings or England's inability to bowl consistent lines. Instead, it's the over rate that's got our goat.

In the first session of the game, Sri Lanka only managed to bowl 23 overs. That's pathetic and forces us to scratch an itch that's been growing a while. There is simply no reason for any side to bowl 15 overs per hour, and yet it remains beyond the wit of all international sides to manage this. Suspensions and fines have made absolutely no difference, so it's time to ramp up the punishment and hit sides where it hurts. Penalty runs.

We're sure this is something the ICC will be interested in as they have the game at heart, oh dear me yes. For every hour of play, for every full over a side fails to bowl short of the 15, add 5 runs to the opposition's total, the runs to be added at the next break in play. If that applied at Lord's this week, that's 30 extra runs England would have had by lunch on the opening day and if that doesn't give sides the hurry-up, nothing will.

Sunday 29 May 2011

The Curious Case of Adrian Shankar

On the face of it, a hardly unusual story cropped up on the pages of Cricinfo this week - English county releases batsman. Lord knows this is a regular occurence and some players, despite their best efforts, fall at the hurdle of cricket at a professional level. However, in many ways, the story of Adrian Shankar is not only uncommon, it is downright strange.

Worcestershire signed Shankar on a two-year deal in early May. His pedigree seemed impressive; Bedford School (previous alumni - Alistair Cook) & Cambridge Blue; Previous 1st and 2nd XI experience at Lancashire and Middlesex. He had also had a productive winter in Sri Lanka, off the back of which Worcestershire saw fit to offer him a contract (a process no doubt hastened by the injury to skipper and opening batsman Daryl Mitchell).

Except, all was not as it seemed. Shankar was bowled for a duck at Lords on debut, then made 10* against Durham a week later before retiring hurt. Suspicion was further aroused by his claims of his Sri Lankan trip, which turned out to be vastly inflated by the man himself - apparently the standard of league he was participating in was much below county standard. Doubts were also raised about his true age; His Lancashire profile suggested he was 26 - Cricinfo 29. As George Dobell of the website said in a follow-up article on Friday, 'it appears Shankar talked his way into a county contract with a mixture of bluff and bravado'.

Some things about Shankar are true - he did indeed score a Varsity hundred in 2002, although according to his Cambridge coach the bowling was 'of very poor standard'. When Shankar signed for Lancashire, comments attributed to his coach about Shankar being 'one of the finest young players he'd ever seen' were completely untrue. No-one at either Worcesteshire or Lancashire appeared to do any due diligence on Shankar before signing him, beyond taking his passport and looking at him in a couple of net sessions, which is staggering.

Shankar spent several seasons in the Surrey Championship playing for my club, Spencer. Although I never met him personally, opinions of him appeared to be mixed, and he tellingly never scored so much as a half-century (to the best of my research) in the premier division of the Surrey Championship while at the club. Isn't this the most obvious indication of all, for most counties, that the player was not up to standard?

Worcestershire have now called in the local Constabulary to investigate. Whether a prosecution will be bought is an open question, but there is no doubting it is an embarrassing episode for Steve Rhodes's side and county cricket in general, at a time when the domestic game has been attracting positive headlines for its renewed confidence in young cricketers.

Monday 23 May 2011

IPL 2011: A very mixed bag

As the interminable group stage of this year’s IPL has finally drawn to a close, now seems an appropriate time to reflect on 75 (yes – 75 – far too bloody many) matches that, more than ever, seem to fall in either of two categories – ferociously exciting (about 1/3) or pretty soporific (the rest).

This year saw two new teams added to the mix – Kochi and Pune. Pune were bloody awful, and that’s all that needs to be said; Yuvraj Singh is not a leader of men. Kochi were inconsistent but showed enough to justify their place in the competition and some of their signings (RP Singh, Parthiv Patel) really paid off.

The early running was made by Mumbai, who lost only once in their first six matches. Sachin Tendulkar led the way with the Orange cap and Lasith Malinga took an astonishing 5/13 in their opening match against Delhi, setting him on the way to the Purple Cap (most wickets), a lead he has not relinquished for the entire tournament. He is currently on 27 wickets – his nearest challenger, Amit Mishra of the eliminated Deccan Chargers, has 19. After that good start, however, last year’s beaten finalists fell away, losing three of their last four. Significantly, however, their thrilling last ball win over Chennai on Sunday means they carry momentum into the first play-off, where they face the same opponents.

Chennai were the most consistent side of the group stage, losing twice in the second half of the season and powered by a strong unit of players – the wiley off-breaks of R Ashwin; Michael Hussey (brilliant signing) at the top of the order; Miserly Doug ‘The Rug’ Bollinger and explosive MS Dhoni. Collectively they have shown last year’s Championship victory was no fluke and their place in the top 4 is merited.

Bangalore looked all at sea for the first three weeks of competition, collecting only one win from their first five. Then Chris Gayle turned up and all hell broke loose – Straight off the plane at Eden Gardens, he slammed 102 from 55 balls and followed it up a week later with 107 from 49 balls against Kings XI. He is now the tournament’s leading run scorer despite playing 5 matches less than everyone else – he has been extraordinary and it is tough not to put RCB’s top spot finish down to his introduction alone.

The big let-down of 2011 were Delhi Daredevils, who staked the house on skipper Virender Sehwag clubbing them into the play-offs. Once he injured his shoulder at the halfway stage, they lacked direction and the overseas recruits of David Warner, Morne Morkel and Colin Ingram sparkled rarely. Irfan Pathan, an obscenely pricey $1.9m purchase at the pre-season auction, did little to justify the hefty pricetag and neither did Umesh Yadav. Deccan Chargers’ race for a play-off spot was put to bed after a 4-match losing streak in the third quarter of the tournament; Shane Warne bowed out with Rajasthan Royals, hampered as they were by financial restraints, lacking consistency although they did beat Mumbai. Kings XI, for whom the hitherto-unknown all-rounder Paul Valthathy made plenty of headlines scoring two hundreds, won four of their last five but still came up short. Jacques Kallis and Gautham Gambhir were the lynchpins of an ultimately satisfactory campaign for Kolkata that sees them take on Mumbai in the first play-off round.

IPL 2011 was too long and unwieldy, with too many uncompetitive matches. With restrictions on the amount of overseas stars allowed to play, and two new teams brought in, the level of competent native players is exposed and they are spread too thinly between the teams – On this evidence, they should go back to a 10-team competition. As with previous IPL tournaments, the fielding has also often been shoddy. And it needs to be shorter – much, much shorter!

Prediction: Bangalore to choke in the group stage, Chennai to face Mumbai in a repeat of last year’s final – but this time the ‘Indians’ will come out on top.

Heroes: Chris Gayle, Paul Valthathy, Lasith Malinga, Shaun Marsh, Adam Gilchrist

Villains: Dan Christian, Sreesanth, Ryan Harris, Lasith Malinga (retire from test cricket? You mug)

Friday 20 May 2011

On Warney's retirement

An era ended today with the retirement of the legend that is Shane Warne. There is literally nothing left to say about the man. Over the years, it's all been said, written and translated into interpretive dance so rather than go over well worn ground, the Tasty Morkels team are off out on a celebratory Warney night.

There will be beer.
There will be barbecued meat.
There will be a teeth-whitening session.
And botox.
And more beer.
Our receding hairlines will get the attention they have long deserved.
We will try to cop off with an actress of whose films we can maybe name one. Two at the outside.
There will be prank phone calls to Mike Gatting in the early hours.
And the morning after, we'll be taking diuretic pills to try and shift the pounds that we'll inevitably have gained as a result of it all.



His legend leaves plenty of room for scope, but before we embark on our mission, in this clip, three minutes in, you will see his real ball of the century. Hugh Jackman losing his middle stump:



"Don't rub 'em. Count 'em"

Sunday 8 May 2011

37

Number of runs hit by Chris Gayle off one IPL over.
It's not just that he did it, but that he did it with the ease of someone just practising his short game at the driving range. Chris Gayle now owns cricket.

Monday 25 April 2011

It would be rude not to mock

Given I am a Lancastrian by birth it would be remiss of me not to gloat about the fantastic victory by The Netherlands today against what is currently the South Africa of County Cricket, Yorkshire.

Geoffrey Boycott, Brian Close, Freddy Trueman your boys took one hell of a beating.

Congratulations to Peter Borren and the boys.

Wednesday 13 April 2011

Gilchrist, Adam

Genre-defining Australian wicketkeeper-batsman. Ruined the career of many good glovemen who simply couldn't bat with the sheer brutality which defined his approach. May or may not have been aided by a squash ball. Has ears that are the eighth wonder of the world.

Gilly's ears

Ostentatious satellite dish that can pick up channels from the dark side of the moon. "Are you coming to watch the football at Dave's? He can get one of them Korean channels on his Gilly's ear". See also Gilchrist, Adam.

Saturday 9 April 2011

Rivers, Joan

American comedienne whose many-times-lifted face Shane Warne seems to want to resemble.

Thursday 7 April 2011

New balls please

We're having a makeover. Cricketballs is dead in deference to Cricket With Balls - it's just too similar.

So having rejected:
No County For Old Men
Pace and bounce
Trottskyites and Lehmannists
If Life Gives You Lehmanns (make Lehmannade)
Bumble and Squeak
Cow Corner
Good County Men
Saying it like Sir Geoff
Attitude Cricket
Ballsheviks
Beg, Borren and Steal
and
Peter Borren Ate My Hamster...

we are now Tasty Morkels. Same old rubbish, different name, delivered from a slightly steeper angle. Welcome aboard.

Monday 4 April 2011

ICCynical money grab

Adil Rashid must know how the Irish feel today. A number of times he's shone with bat and ball in ODIs for England only to be dropped for an extra batsman. Ireland's reward for beating Pakistan four years ago and England this time around is to be excluded from the next World Cup.

Of course, it's not Ireland specifically but all associates and affiliates. UAE, Namibia, Canada, Kenya, Afghanistan, Bermuda are all sides that have provided entertainment in World Cups down the years - admittedly not always for the right reasons - as well as Ireland, but the ICC have, in their eternal wisdom, decided that there are more than enough teams wanting to play international cricket and that'll do us nicely thank you.

Instead of an actual World Cup, we'll be having Champions Trophies from now on. Yes, there's a sop to expanding the game for the 2019 tournament with the promise of a qualification period, but what state will the associates be in by then? Ireland made the choice to withdraw from the English county scene and go their own way. Having been granted full ODI status after the 2007 World Cup, the extra funding they receive from the ICC enabled them to pay some of their players within their domestic structure and organise ODI series against full members. Without the chance to play in a World Cup for eight years, the talent drain to England can only increase. After all, what incentive is there for such as George Dockrell to hang about waiting until such time as the ICC deem his nation worthy? If he and others like him are serious about making it as an international cricketer, it's unlikely that the extra T20 places will make any difference to the decisions he makes over the next few years.

If the problem was a bloated tournament with too many dead rubbers, the sacrifice is the wrong one. The tournament just gone could have been massively shrunk by playing two games per day in the group stage and not stringing it out so India could play on weekends to maximise TV audiences. The 2007 format would have been about right had there not been a second group stage - a concept even UEFA did away with eventually - and instead gone straight to knockout as the successful T20 tournaments have done. Even a preliminary round for associates to progress to the main competition would be preferable to complete exclusion.

After getting burned by fancied runners not getting through their group in 2007 - Ireland knocking out Pakistan, Bangladesh seeing to India - the 2011 format was specifically designed to ensure it wouldn't happen again. Obviously the performances of the associates - especially Ireland, Holland to a lesser extent - gave the ICC enough of a fright that it might happen again and TV audiences would suffer as a result. So better than contrive something that stands a remote chance of failure, better to eliminate that as a possibility altogether. It's cyncial and we can all see why they're doing it, but it's not in the interests of cricket and as guardians of the world game, that ought to be their prime motive. This is an old boy's network closing ranks and keeping the spoils for themselves.

So no more John Davison slamfunking a hundred. No more Kevin O'Brien slaughtering the English. No more Dwayne Leverock's amazing catch. No more Ryan ten Doeschate making two hundreds in the tournament, just like Sachin did. No more chance of a fairytale like Afghanistan's attempts to qualify came so close to giving us. No more Sultan Zarawani getting clonked on his unprotected napper. No more use of Balaji Rao's massive thighs to catch a ball. No more Namibian side made up entirely of people called Burger. No more Hiral Patel taking on the best of Shaun Tait. No more Rizwan Cheema. No more Peter Borren and his mad, killers eyes. And shame on you, ICC, for making that so.

ICC Say No to Associates at CWC 2015

I have been struggling to put into words what I think about this decision. But I am hopefully going to sum it up in two.

Utter bollocks.

Here endeth my rant.

Sunday 3 April 2011

World Cup 14 best

Finally we're done and can relax for a bit. But before the IPL starts and the County Championship get underway, here we pick our top 14 World Cup snippets in honour of the last time such a number will appear in the tournament, at least until the ICC pull their collective head out of their collective arse.

14. Best associate

Despite the miserable performances of Canada and Kenya, the other smaller nations were pretty entertaining, especially the Irish who take the nod here for being at worst competitive in every game they played. To get rid smacks of short-termism and a lack of awareness of the game outside it's established centres. To bar the likes of Afghanistan from the tournament is to it's long-term discredit.

13. Shot of the tournament

Step forward 19-year old Hiral Patel.

12. Most sustained assault on a decent bowler

Aided by some miserable leg-stump full tosses, admittedly, but Ross Taylor going absolutely batshit insane against Pakistan was truly astonishing. Also, it only came after our...

11. Best birthday gift

When he was put down twice before he'd made 10 in that innings.

10. Most ridiculous use of the UDRS

This was out. So was this.

9. Best batsman

Virender Sehwag was, as usual, the most exciting, Sachin Tendulkar his usual imperious self, AB de Villiers all dreamy shots around the ground and Jonathan Trott a reliable grinder. And while Tilakaratne Dilshan topped the list with 500 runs, his team-mate and captain Kumar Sangakkara's chanceless 465 at an average of 93 was pure class and he's the one we'd get out of bed at stupid o'clock to watch.

8. Best bowler

Ahead of the semi-final, this writer was heard to comment to a friend of Indian extraction that he fancied Pakistan as they had the better bowlers - Umar Gul and Shahid Afridi. In the end, Zaheer Khan outdid them both and shone in the final to nick the award. Kemar Roach deserves mention too - proper old-fashioned West Indian quick. We hope there are more like him back in the Caribbean.

7. Player of the tournament

Plenty of nominees. Sachin was brilliant, Sehwag explosive, de Villiers all class, Umar Gul, Shahid Afridi and Zaheer Khan all unplayable, Tilakaratne Dilshan and Yuvraj Singh stellar with bat and ball, but we go for Peter Borren because if we don't, he will probably kill us.

6. Most ridiculous scapegoat

Jonathan Trott must have upset Bob Willis in other ways than being an extremely reliable run-scorer to have two 50-plus scores labelled "match-losing innings" by the former England fast bowler turned professional curmudgeon.

5. Best game

It had to be one featuring excitement merchants England. The heart-stopping tie with India swung one way and back the other about five different time during 100 overs. Best game of 50-over cricket? Quite probably, yes.

4. Biggest England implosion

A category with plenty of contenders - the loss to Ireland, to Bangladesh, the stumble against the Dutch - but the clear winner was the sight of eleven hollow shells of men who had been on the road for over six months have their pants pulled down by Sri Lanka. Which leads nicely on to...

3. Most career-defining knock

In the space of 50 balls, Kevin O'Brien made himself a potentially quite rich man, wrote his legend into the history books and helped his country defeat their former colonial overlords with an amazing display of controlled brutality.

2. Best wind-up merchant

Kyle Mills, twelfth man for New Zealand, who came onto the field with the sole intention of letting Faf du Plessis know what he thought of the AB de Villiers run out. And that's a lovely segué to....

1. Biggest choke

Sorry South Africa, but it really was a choke of epic proportions.


And we're done. We can't believe it'll be a whole six days when we get to watch another cricket match - the IPL starts on Friday. The schedulers really need to make sure these enormous hiatuses don't happen like this in the future. Here's hoping the ICC see sense before the next tournament in Australia and New Zealand in four years time and don't exclude the associates and we can enjoy another extravaganza because, for all it's faults, this has been a pretty damn fine tournament.

Wednesday 23 March 2011

F*£$in' 'Ell

News comes in today that Middlesex and England legend Fred Titmus has passed away at the age of 78. Nobody seems to have a bad word about him and he will live on forever thanks to Half Man Half Biscuit:



Don't click the video if you're offended by the words 'fucking' or 'hell'.

Tuesday 22 March 2011

If the minnows combined

The whole World Cup structure was designed so that the top eight sides would go through and, after a 50-year process and one or two wobbles, that's what has happened. Next time round, there won't be any associate nations and the competition will be all the poorer for it. While they may not have stood much chance of progression through to the latter stages, the associates played their part in raising what could have been a month of utter tedium to something close to interesting. Perhaps if they combined resources, they'd have a real chance of doing something.
Here's what we think a combined side of those not progressing* would look like.

1. Hiral Patel
Opening bat is one area all the associates struggled in, but Canada's Patel flung the bat for an entertaining 50 against Australia and a brisk 30-odd against New Zealand after being overlooked for the first four games which at least showed some potential. The 19-year old didn't look overawed by facing the Aussie quicks - something that can't be said about players much older.

2. Brendan Taylor
Zimbabwe's Taylor had a mixed tournament. A first-baller against Canada was a low point, but he recovered to make 44 in the next game against New Zealand and after Zimbabwe had been flayed by Sri Lanka's opening duo, his quick 80 had you thinking that Zimbabwe might challenge the 328 target. Only briefly, but that's not nothing. Zimbabwe learned during the tournament that they'd been readmitted to the Test ranks and Taylor will benefit from that. He's showed he has the talent and at 25 has time on his side.

3. Tom Cooper
Not the most Dutch sounding of names, but Cooper had a solid tournament. A failure against South Africa isn't a disgrace and by the time he'd made just five against Ireland, the Netherlands were already out. In between, he made a couple of 30s, a 40 and an unbeaten 50 as he was the only Dutch batsman to show any resistance against the West Indies. A consistent performer who chipped in with a few dibbly off-breaks as well.

4. Ryan ten Doeschate
Two hundreds in the competition for the Dutch all-rounder, the first of which helped set up a 290+ chase for England in their opening game. South Africa born and qualifying for England on residency, there were rumblings that both those nations would try and get him on board for the tournament, but he stayed in the orange of the Netherlands and good for them that he did. 307 runs at better than 60, 7 wickets at a slightly expensive 46 is a job well done.

5. Shakib-al-Hasan
Bangladesh captain Shakib would slot right into any other team. He makes vital runs in the lower-middle order and his left-arm spin is incredibly difficult to get off the square. Moreover, he's a shrewd tactician and even after the routing that his side copped from the West Indies, spoke intelligently despite the huge pressure of a vocal home crowd.

6. Kevin O'Brien
He hit a 50-ball hundred against England. Fifty. Wasn't as entrusted with the ball as might have been expected, but still took 4/71 against West Indies. When this tournament is done and dusted though, people will still be talking about that amazing onslaught against the English.

7. Peter Borren
He only has one shot - he attempts to cut everything - but he's a handy late-order hitter and nagging medium pace bowler. The Dutch captain, he marshalled his troops well. Mind, if this writer had mad, scary eyes like that, I reckon I could get people to do my bidding unquestioningly as well.

8. Mushfiqur Rahim
Bangladesh wicketkeeper who knows the rules better than Matt Prior.

9. Shafiul Islam
As with opening batsmen, pace bowling is a department that all the associates struggled with. Shafiul proved more than handy though. He zipped it through at decent rather than express pace and took six wickets at a respectable 34. Only the South Africans tucked into him, taking 44 off his five overs. Nobody else could play him and he was there in that ninth-wicket stand that saw Bangladesh overhaul the English.

10. George Dockrell
In his second World Cup, but not even 19 years old. If that's not living the dream, then I don't know what is. Seven wickets at less than 30 each is good, but his control was good too and his economy rate was under 4.5. That is bloody brilliant. Improving with the bat too.

11. Ray Price
The second man in our XI with the cold, dead eyes of a killer, it says here that Price is 34. That's at least 30 short of where we'd have him, but veteran though he may be, he's still producing the goods. Australia couldn't work him out when he opened the bowling against them which led to some ludicrous claims that the Aussies had taken cash to ensure the first ten overs went for less than a given amount. Rubbish. They just couldn't play Ray Price. As attacking a left-arm spinner as you could wish to see, Price will play an important part of Zimbabwe's second coming as a Test nation.

No Kenyans in there, which tells you all you need to know about how they went at the tournament.

* - Yes, it's a bit of a cheat. You can't make a side from just the associates, so some Zimbabweans and Bangladeshis had to be included.

Saturday 19 March 2011

Kitchen sink

Shastri-ism. Item that is thrown when someone has a massive slog.

Treatment

Shastri-ism. What the batsman gives the ball when it's well struck.

Shastri, Ravi

Indian opener/off-spinner turned pundit. First pundit to graduate with a first-class degree from the University of Stating the Bleeding Obvious.

Sunday 13 March 2011

Default

Three weeks into this World Cup and we're just over half way into the group stage. That's a ludicrous sentence which we've gone into before, but at the very least you'd have thought some sort of picture would be emerging about the likely contenders and yet none has emerged. The fancied runners have all raised more doubts about their ability to bring it home than they have laid down a marker.

Everyone thought India's batting would be so powerful as to render all attacks worthless, but they keep dicking about with the order and they've suffered three major collapses which has allowed sides to get at them. South Africa are guilty of the same and have lost the one man - Imran Tahir - who gave them that one element they've been lacking since reintroduction. England haven't managed to put two parts of the game together in a single match yet and while New Zealand have some lower-middle order batsmen seemingly intent on launching bombs all over the sub-continent, that's pretty much all they've got. Sri Lanka are almost the reverse and rely on the top three or four for the runs and don't have anything lower down while the West Indies lack up to four players to make the grade, well though Kemar Roach has bowled. Pakistan, like England, are as likely to beat themselves as they are anyone else and none of the others are really capable, even though Ireland, Holland and Bangladesh have played nice cameos.

All of which means that by doing nothing particularly badly and nothing particularly well, Australia are going to win yet another World Cup and mainly by default.

Monday 7 March 2011

Open and shut case

Kevin Pietersen has gut knack and is off home from the World Cup early. This leaves England with a bit of a predicament. It's not as though the experiment of opening with Pietersen was a raging success, but at least it looked like giving us one opening partnership that will last a tournament. Instead, the English tradition of an unsettled pairing at the top of the order continues.

Eoin Morgan comes into the squad to replace Pietersen, but it's unthinkable that the impish Irish genius will go in first up. The recent attempt at making Matt Prior an opener failed - again - and can't be allowed to happen again. Luke Wright has opened for England in the past, but he's hardly likely to be taken off drinks-carrying duties in the foreseeable future as he's doing such a great job there. Instead, there's one other man that's done the job in the recent past and that's Ian Bell. He's done the job pretty well to boot and if the current trend of opening the bowling with spinners continues, he's unlikely to be flummoxed by it.

Pietersen's ability to add another spin option to the side will be missed and may prove a reprieve for Michael Yardy who has been throwing pies so far. Unless Ravi Bopara and Jonathan Trott can finagle a few overs of medium pacery between them, the Sussex skipper will presumably remain a feature of this side's make-up unless, in an Escape To Victory style, someone repeatedly slams Luke Wright's arm in a door so we can call up Adil Rashid.

Whichever way England go, Pietersen's departure will mean I'll have to find a new phrase to shout at the radio when England are playing now. Far too often in this tournament, I've found myself yelling "KP you fucking moron" as he finds new and interesting ways to get out to left-arm spin.

Sunday 6 March 2011

Lehmann, Darren

Tubby Australian middle-order batsman and purveyor of left-arm darts. One of Yorkshire's all-time greats, criminally underused by his country.
Existed as a player on a diet of lager and fags which makes one wonder just what sort of regime exists at his Academy.

Patel, Samit

Tubby England and Notts all-rounder ditched by his nation due to a problem with his feet. He can't keep them out of the kebab shop.
Got sent to Darren Lehmann's Academy to shed some weight, a move which can only be ironic given Lehmann's legendary fitness regime.

Saturday 5 March 2011

Associate nation

Non-Test playing country who get routinely spanked in ODI tournaments by the big boys. Except England.

Gregg Wallace

A shot along the lines of the Tillakaratne Dilshan ramp shot that goes for six over the wicketkeeper's head. Named after the bullet-headed Masterchef judge and his typical forkful when testing a plate of food, i.e. a massive scoop.

Wednesday 2 March 2011

Canny operator

Descriptive of a bowler who, while never looking like taking a wicket, rarely goes for much above a run a ball.

Thursday 17 February 2011

47 days later

The World Cup is too long. There, I've said it. The last tournament was obviously bloated and saggy at 53 days, so the ICC listened and came up with a format that's a whole six days shorter but, incredibly, has even more dead rubbers, meaningless games and flab associated with it. It starts in February and doesn't finish until April. Anything could happen in that time, and here are ten impeccably researched possibilities.

10. Equal Juande Ramos's reign as CSKA Moscow manager.

9. Spec out, design and build a grenade launcher.

8. Become the first person to climb El Capitan.

7. Fail to find a mayor for Jersey City.

6. Sail a three-masted barque from Ireland to Canada.

5. Realise you've had a Matisse hanging upside down.

4. Run the entire 3500km of the Appalachian Trail.

3. Film a Clint Eastwood classic.

2. Not deliver the post.

1. Hold at least one-and-a-half properly formatted Cricket World Cups.

Thursday 10 February 2011

Darren Gough is dead to me

I forgave him the treachery of leaving for Essex.

I forgave him the spangles and sequins and the cha-cha-cha.

I forgave him for the fact that his perma-tan often seemed more important than the business of taking wickets.

I forgave him the biscuit knees that meant he could only bowl in four-over spells.

And I forgave him all that because of 90mph inswinging yorkers that were simply to die for.

But I can't forgive him for this.

Darren Gough is dead to me.

Tuesday 8 February 2011

Out of the Ashes

"There are a lot of problems in the world" says Taj Malik, then coach of the Afghanistan national cricket team at the start of the documentary Out Of The Ashes. "But the solution to them all is cricket". And there it is. Barely four minutes of this film have elapsed and I am completely in love with Afghan cricket.

As much a travelogue as it is about cricket, the contrasts between the sweeping majesty of the Afghan mountains and the quaintness of Jersey where the team travel to on the first step in an attempt to qualify for the 2011 World Cup is played out with some beautiful cinematography. The Afghan officials' first encounter with a British pedestrian crossing serves to add to the 'fish out of water' narrative, a narrative that is quite apt. As they learn on the cricket field, so they learn more about the world. For some, it is too much - too much of a culture shock, too long away from home. Needless to say, Jersey's beaches are not a patch on the mountain vistas of home for the president of the Afghan Cricket Board.

After success in Jersey, suddenly things are a lot more serious. Taj is ousted as coach in favour of former Pakistan Test player Kabir Khan, much to the chagrin of Taj's brothers who are still on the team who are in Tanzania for another tournament. With a more professional set-up, including an ICC-funded physio, they win again and it's on to Argentina for the final step in qualifying.

We catch up with Taj in between times, coaching in a dustbowl back in Afghanistan and checking online updates for his former charges' progress in Buenos Aries; the pathos writ large across the screen. The team return from Argentina as winners and are given a heroes welcome, Taj there to greet his brothers and friends.

Ultimately, it's not to be. The final qualifier is against a vastly more experienced Canadian side and they're too strong for the Afghans, but their run through to this stage earns them ODI status which the team celebrate as much as if they'd lifted the trophy in Mumbai. We end, however, with the side at the World T20 in St Lucia, facing up to the might of India and Taj is back as assistant coach, nicely bookending the film.

This is a lovingly crafted piece of work. There's obvious affection for Afghanistan, for cricket and for the film's 'hero' Taj in equal measure. But the enduring image is that of Hasti Gul picking up the man of the match award in the final in Jersey and getting his victory V symbol the wrong way round in Geoffrey Boycott's. He's done what we've all wanted to do and if Afghanistan achieve nothing else in world cricket - although with the foundation laid down during the making of this film, that seems unlikely - they've flipped Boycott off and that's not nothing.

Wednesday 19 January 2011

Johnson's pitch-map

A severe outbreak of acne. (See also Johnson, Mitchell)

UDRS

Umpire Decision Review System. Systematic attempt by the powers that be to undermine every umpire who ever walked the planet by not only allowing, but actively encouraging players to openly dissent against your decisions. It seems it's here to stay. If you're a captain and the wicketkeeper is the only one suggesting you review a decision, probably best not to.

Tuesday 18 January 2011

Wicketkeeper-batsman

Batsman who can't keep very well, but has a better ODI average and/or strike rate than a proper wicketkeeper.

Wicketkeeper

Bloke who stands behind the stumps with big gloves on whose responsibility it is to stop the ball going past him. It's only since stump microphones were universally adopted that anyone realised that all of them are deeply irritating characters who never shut up.
Mitchell Johnson hates them judging by the filth he hurls in their general direction and the UDRS has gone to prove that they're all untrustworthy chancers.

Wicket taker

Term descriptive of a seam bowler who goes for a lot of runs. See also; strike bowler.

Saturday 15 January 2011

Taufel, Simon

Australian umpire whose favourite phrase is "not out".

Smith, Steve

Blond Australian leg-spinner, but crucially not Shane Warne. Something else he is not is a Test number six. But whatever else he achieves in the game, he did land a massive six onto the roof of the football stand at Headingley. That's a mighty hit. Even Botham in his 1981 pomp could only reach the confectionery stall.

Scorers

People who are, according to received wisdom, not troubled by players making nought. This is nonsense, as the bugger's name still needs filling in, balls faced etc before rounding it off by drawing a nice little duck egg in the final column.

Monday 10 January 2011

IPL 2011: Who went where

A bit like the NFL Draft, for me probably the most interesting bit of the Indian Premier League, the BCCI's ostentacious slogathon showpiece, is the annual auction to decide what players end up at what franchises. Much of the tactical manouverings by franchise owners are based on player availability as much as track record in the Twenty20 format. Due to the former, a number of prominent players (Chris Gayle and Graeme Swann being two notables) were, despite having their names in the hat, not bought at all. The continuing, lamentable feud between India and Pakistan generally means the latter's players weren't eligble either due to "visa restrictions".

First of all, lets look at the big Indian names. Sachin Tendulkar, MS Dhoni and Virender Sehwag were all retained by their respective clubs prior to the auction (Mumbai, Chennai and Delhi respectively). Notable moves included Irfan Pathan moving to Delhi for a mind-boggling $1.9m (more than double the price of Zaheer Khan) which is mad considering he has not been international class for some time; Big-hitting all-rounder Yusuf Pathan picked up by Kolkata for $2.1m, and Gautam Gambhir likely to skipper the same club bought for $2.4m, the auction's most expensive recruit. Rahul Dravid, hardly a T20 specialist, by comparison raised a measly $0.5m and moved to Rajasthan, and Saurabh Tiwary - yeah, I don't know who he is either - commanded $1.6m from Bangalore. As is custom now in the IPL, 'marquee' domestic players command much more in auction prices than the overseas, and in many cases better, stars.

As for the rest, there are some fascinating, and some puzzling, purchases. I will particularly enjoy seeing how Mumbai get on with those close friends Andrew Symonds ($0.85m) and Harbahjan Singh (retained) sharing a dressing room and probably plenty of obscenities. With Tendulkar, Symonds, Rohit Sharma and Kieron Pollard, there's plenty of batting firepower for the Mumbai side. Holders Chennai bagged a bargain in Michael Hussey for less than half a million, and having retained their best players (plus adding Dwayne Bravo and R Ashwin) they are likely to be in the mix again.

Deccan chargers have Kevin Pietersen, Dale Steyn ($1.2m - a steal) and Cameron White but will need to make sure the Indian domestic players they pick bolster the batting. Kumar Sangakarra at $0.7m is another bargain. Delhi only have one spinner in their 17 - Roelof Van Der Marwe - but on the plus side they do have Sehwag and David Warner. Stuart Broad is among the new signings at last season's flops, Kings XI Punjab (having divested themselves of the mercurial Yuvraj Singh, who's off to new boys Pune) but they were otherwise surprisingly picky at the auction, picking only 11 players. The other new franchise, Kochi, got Mahela Jaywardene, Brad Hodge, Sreesanth and Brendon McCullum, and I reckon they might just surprise a few people.
England-Irish genius Eoin Morgan joins Jacques Kallis, Brad Haddin and Shakib Al-Hasan at Kolkata; Rajasthan start once again as the weakest, blowing an extravagant amount ($1.8m) on retaining Shane Warne and spending nearly $2m on Ross Taylor and Johan Botha.

Making a prediction at this stage is folly, but there are lots of strong squads if you look at them all at once. I like the look of Chennai once again plus Kochi could go far. Mumbai will be there or thereabouts. Delhi to be this year's flops I reckon.

Oh, and why no Tamim Iqbal in the auction? There must have been a good reason - a shame as he'd be wonderful to watch in this format, surely tailor made for him.

Thursday 6 January 2011

Mbangwa, Mpumelelo (Pommie)

Half-decent Zimbabwean quick bowler turned eternally cheerful pundit. The only Pommie welcome in Australia.