Thursday 17 February 2011

47 days later

The World Cup is too long. There, I've said it. The last tournament was obviously bloated and saggy at 53 days, so the ICC listened and came up with a format that's a whole six days shorter but, incredibly, has even more dead rubbers, meaningless games and flab associated with it. It starts in February and doesn't finish until April. Anything could happen in that time, and here are ten impeccably researched possibilities.

10. Equal Juande Ramos's reign as CSKA Moscow manager.

9. Spec out, design and build a grenade launcher.

8. Become the first person to climb El Capitan.

7. Fail to find a mayor for Jersey City.

6. Sail a three-masted barque from Ireland to Canada.

5. Realise you've had a Matisse hanging upside down.

4. Run the entire 3500km of the Appalachian Trail.

3. Film a Clint Eastwood classic.

2. Not deliver the post.

1. Hold at least one-and-a-half properly formatted Cricket World Cups.

Thursday 10 February 2011

Darren Gough is dead to me

I forgave him the treachery of leaving for Essex.

I forgave him the spangles and sequins and the cha-cha-cha.

I forgave him for the fact that his perma-tan often seemed more important than the business of taking wickets.

I forgave him the biscuit knees that meant he could only bowl in four-over spells.

And I forgave him all that because of 90mph inswinging yorkers that were simply to die for.

But I can't forgive him for this.

Darren Gough is dead to me.

Tuesday 8 February 2011

Out of the Ashes

"There are a lot of problems in the world" says Taj Malik, then coach of the Afghanistan national cricket team at the start of the documentary Out Of The Ashes. "But the solution to them all is cricket". And there it is. Barely four minutes of this film have elapsed and I am completely in love with Afghan cricket.

As much a travelogue as it is about cricket, the contrasts between the sweeping majesty of the Afghan mountains and the quaintness of Jersey where the team travel to on the first step in an attempt to qualify for the 2011 World Cup is played out with some beautiful cinematography. The Afghan officials' first encounter with a British pedestrian crossing serves to add to the 'fish out of water' narrative, a narrative that is quite apt. As they learn on the cricket field, so they learn more about the world. For some, it is too much - too much of a culture shock, too long away from home. Needless to say, Jersey's beaches are not a patch on the mountain vistas of home for the president of the Afghan Cricket Board.

After success in Jersey, suddenly things are a lot more serious. Taj is ousted as coach in favour of former Pakistan Test player Kabir Khan, much to the chagrin of Taj's brothers who are still on the team who are in Tanzania for another tournament. With a more professional set-up, including an ICC-funded physio, they win again and it's on to Argentina for the final step in qualifying.

We catch up with Taj in between times, coaching in a dustbowl back in Afghanistan and checking online updates for his former charges' progress in Buenos Aries; the pathos writ large across the screen. The team return from Argentina as winners and are given a heroes welcome, Taj there to greet his brothers and friends.

Ultimately, it's not to be. The final qualifier is against a vastly more experienced Canadian side and they're too strong for the Afghans, but their run through to this stage earns them ODI status which the team celebrate as much as if they'd lifted the trophy in Mumbai. We end, however, with the side at the World T20 in St Lucia, facing up to the might of India and Taj is back as assistant coach, nicely bookending the film.

This is a lovingly crafted piece of work. There's obvious affection for Afghanistan, for cricket and for the film's 'hero' Taj in equal measure. But the enduring image is that of Hasti Gul picking up the man of the match award in the final in Jersey and getting his victory V symbol the wrong way round in Geoffrey Boycott's. He's done what we've all wanted to do and if Afghanistan achieve nothing else in world cricket - although with the foundation laid down during the making of this film, that seems unlikely - they've flipped Boycott off and that's not nothing.