Wednesday 19 January 2011

Johnson's pitch-map

A severe outbreak of acne. (See also Johnson, Mitchell)

UDRS

Umpire Decision Review System. Systematic attempt by the powers that be to undermine every umpire who ever walked the planet by not only allowing, but actively encouraging players to openly dissent against your decisions. It seems it's here to stay. If you're a captain and the wicketkeeper is the only one suggesting you review a decision, probably best not to.

Tuesday 18 January 2011

Wicketkeeper-batsman

Batsman who can't keep very well, but has a better ODI average and/or strike rate than a proper wicketkeeper.

Wicketkeeper

Bloke who stands behind the stumps with big gloves on whose responsibility it is to stop the ball going past him. It's only since stump microphones were universally adopted that anyone realised that all of them are deeply irritating characters who never shut up.
Mitchell Johnson hates them judging by the filth he hurls in their general direction and the UDRS has gone to prove that they're all untrustworthy chancers.

Wicket taker

Term descriptive of a seam bowler who goes for a lot of runs. See also; strike bowler.

Saturday 15 January 2011

Taufel, Simon

Australian umpire whose favourite phrase is "not out".

Smith, Steve

Blond Australian leg-spinner, but crucially not Shane Warne. Something else he is not is a Test number six. But whatever else he achieves in the game, he did land a massive six onto the roof of the football stand at Headingley. That's a mighty hit. Even Botham in his 1981 pomp could only reach the confectionery stall.

Scorers

People who are, according to received wisdom, not troubled by players making nought. This is nonsense, as the bugger's name still needs filling in, balls faced etc before rounding it off by drawing a nice little duck egg in the final column.

Monday 10 January 2011

IPL 2011: Who went where

A bit like the NFL Draft, for me probably the most interesting bit of the Indian Premier League, the BCCI's ostentacious slogathon showpiece, is the annual auction to decide what players end up at what franchises. Much of the tactical manouverings by franchise owners are based on player availability as much as track record in the Twenty20 format. Due to the former, a number of prominent players (Chris Gayle and Graeme Swann being two notables) were, despite having their names in the hat, not bought at all. The continuing, lamentable feud between India and Pakistan generally means the latter's players weren't eligble either due to "visa restrictions".

First of all, lets look at the big Indian names. Sachin Tendulkar, MS Dhoni and Virender Sehwag were all retained by their respective clubs prior to the auction (Mumbai, Chennai and Delhi respectively). Notable moves included Irfan Pathan moving to Delhi for a mind-boggling $1.9m (more than double the price of Zaheer Khan) which is mad considering he has not been international class for some time; Big-hitting all-rounder Yusuf Pathan picked up by Kolkata for $2.1m, and Gautam Gambhir likely to skipper the same club bought for $2.4m, the auction's most expensive recruit. Rahul Dravid, hardly a T20 specialist, by comparison raised a measly $0.5m and moved to Rajasthan, and Saurabh Tiwary - yeah, I don't know who he is either - commanded $1.6m from Bangalore. As is custom now in the IPL, 'marquee' domestic players command much more in auction prices than the overseas, and in many cases better, stars.

As for the rest, there are some fascinating, and some puzzling, purchases. I will particularly enjoy seeing how Mumbai get on with those close friends Andrew Symonds ($0.85m) and Harbahjan Singh (retained) sharing a dressing room and probably plenty of obscenities. With Tendulkar, Symonds, Rohit Sharma and Kieron Pollard, there's plenty of batting firepower for the Mumbai side. Holders Chennai bagged a bargain in Michael Hussey for less than half a million, and having retained their best players (plus adding Dwayne Bravo and R Ashwin) they are likely to be in the mix again.

Deccan chargers have Kevin Pietersen, Dale Steyn ($1.2m - a steal) and Cameron White but will need to make sure the Indian domestic players they pick bolster the batting. Kumar Sangakarra at $0.7m is another bargain. Delhi only have one spinner in their 17 - Roelof Van Der Marwe - but on the plus side they do have Sehwag and David Warner. Stuart Broad is among the new signings at last season's flops, Kings XI Punjab (having divested themselves of the mercurial Yuvraj Singh, who's off to new boys Pune) but they were otherwise surprisingly picky at the auction, picking only 11 players. The other new franchise, Kochi, got Mahela Jaywardene, Brad Hodge, Sreesanth and Brendon McCullum, and I reckon they might just surprise a few people.
England-Irish genius Eoin Morgan joins Jacques Kallis, Brad Haddin and Shakib Al-Hasan at Kolkata; Rajasthan start once again as the weakest, blowing an extravagant amount ($1.8m) on retaining Shane Warne and spending nearly $2m on Ross Taylor and Johan Botha.

Making a prediction at this stage is folly, but there are lots of strong squads if you look at them all at once. I like the look of Chennai once again plus Kochi could go far. Mumbai will be there or thereabouts. Delhi to be this year's flops I reckon.

Oh, and why no Tamim Iqbal in the auction? There must have been a good reason - a shame as he'd be wonderful to watch in this format, surely tailor made for him.

Thursday 6 January 2011

Mbangwa, Mpumelelo (Pommie)

Half-decent Zimbabwean quick bowler turned eternally cheerful pundit. The only Pommie welcome in Australia.