Sunday, 12 September 2010

Umpire

The on-field, sometimes off-field, arbiter of the laws of the game.
You used to know where you stood with umpires. Fielding side appeal, umpire agrees or disagrees, the game continues. Now, their initial decision is merely a starting point for a wider debate thanks to the umpire decision review system (UDRS) and a third umpire in front of a TV somewhere in the pavilion. They used to wear white coats which made them look like old-timey butchers. It's a variety of outerwear in a range of colours these days, perhaps to try and attract kids to the profession by making them look a bit more 'tuff'.

Other duties of umpires include:
  • Holding onto the bowler's hat, jumper, shades etc
  • Judging no-balls, wides and intimidatory bowling
  • Radioing their mate in the stands every time there's a shy at the stumps
  • Bollocking security staff in hi-vis jackets for sitting in front of the sight screen
  • Taking players off for bad light at seemingly arbitrary points in time
  • No-balling Sri Lankans with dodgy actions (see Hair, Darrell)


Still a better job than being a football referee.

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